


Schadenfreude

by popitdontdropit



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Anal Sex, BLU medic is a softie, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Development, Height Differences, Light Masochism, M/M, Manipulation, Murder, Names (mostly) according to the comics, Oral Sex, RED medic is... interesting, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sadism, Slow Burn, Unconventional Relationship, Weird dreams, my first fic please bear with me, shitty google translate German (i'm sorry native speakers), spy is an asshole, the start is a little boring but it gets a lot better I promise, this fic is not very good im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:01:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23771977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popitdontdropit/pseuds/popitdontdropit
Summary: After the rumoured resignation of the previous BLU medic, Ludwig takes his place only to encounter the particular man before him - Günter - Now a part of RED. However, Günter has a knack for influencing people, and Ludwig finds it difficult to get out of his own head.‘’I saw a killer in you, Ludwig. I was curious if I could lure it out. I wanted to know how far you would go if I gave you a little bit of a push.’’
Relationships: Medic/Medic (Team Fortress 2)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 65





	1. Introductions

The administrator’s voice boomed throughout the BLU spawn. Ludwig placed his gloved hand on the gate, steadying himself. He often found himself to be nervous just before combat with the other team, despite usually staying a fair distance from any members of the RED team. The crackle of the medigun reverberated through the air, telling of the overflowing charge within it. It was ready to deploy a burst of unbelievable power at the flick of a switch. He looked to Misha, who now revving up Sasha with a beaming smile on his face. The heavy was in his element. Dell cocked his shotgun and looked to the gates, he seemed distant, perhaps even in a state of calm. The spy held the same composure and casually lit a cigarette before preparing a disguise. Tavish swigged a beer, swaying a little and uneven on his feet. The pyro just giggled in the corner, full of childlike glee. Ludwig often wondered how the masked man could be so happy when there was so much tension in the air.

‘’Are you ready?’’ The administrator asked, the excitement seeping in through her voice.

In short, he wasn’t.

He took a breath as the gates opened. He stepped out behind Misha, fixing the beam on him as the giant led him to the first capture point. Ludwig knew stepping onto the point was a dangerous decision, soon enough, they would be rushed by the RED team. His heart began to race and unconsciously, he placed a hand on Misha’s shoulder. He hoped the man would protect him, the last team he was with never neglected him, they would watch his back and keep him safe in return for the benefits of overheal and possibly an ubercharge. The heavy turned, smiling to him proudly. ‘’Other doktor never scared. You are like frightened baby.’’ He joked, laughing heartily. It hurt him a little, but he understood the other man was (hopefully) kidding around.

Then a gunshot sounded across the battlefield. Before he could process the sound, a puncture wound had materialised in Misha’s chest and blood pooled from it in incredible amounts. He wondered how the big man was still alive. Perhaps the shot had narrowly missed his heart. He pulled the switch of the medigun. He expected a burst of volatile charge on himself and the heavy, but none came. He pulled the lever again and again, but to no avail. ‘’Charge me, doktor!’’ The Russian wheezed, clutching his chest.

‘’It… It isn’t vorking!’’ He cried as the panic set in. Ludwig could hear footfalls from just outside, coming closer and closer until several members of the RED team had surrounded them. The heavy slumped, now barely conscious and soon to die. The rest of the team was absent from the cap, nor were they going to come to help. The beam faded, indicating Misha was dead. The beam hadn’t been enough to keep him alive.

He was alone.

The RED scout approached him first. ‘’Aw look at ‘cha, you have no big scary heavy now, DO YA?’’ He carelessly tossed his bat up, spinning it in the air before catching it. ‘’You ready for a beating, ‘doc?’’ The sniper next to him drew a kukri.

‘’Me first. I had a bloody bone to pick with that other med.’’

‘’We ALL did, dimwit!’’ The scout retorted, throwing a fit like a kid. The Australian ignored him, then paced over, as if there was no rush. Ludwig retrieved his bonesaw and raised it.

‘’Get back!’’ He intended it as a snarl, but it came out as a whimper. His attempt to appear confident was betrayed by his quivering hands.

‘’Pah! You can’t, mate. Ya don’t have the balls tah fight.’’ The sniper effortlessly shrugged off the threat then slashed the kukri arcoss Ludwig’s stomach, splitting fabric and skin alike, as if it had been as thin as paper. He dropped his bonesaw and clutched the wound. It burned like fire. He backed himself into the wall in an attempt to get away. Sticky blood poured out onto his gloves and stained his clothes. He knew his organs were exposed and it wouldn’t take much to end him.

But these two weren’t keen on letting him die so quickly.

The scout raised his bat and chuckled boyishly. ‘’Real nice effort, doc. But you couldn’t sell it. Think fast, chucklehead!’’ The metal bat collided with his forehead. The impact pretty well blinded him, he could only see flashes of red and white. His head began to pound and he raised his arms over his face in a desperate attempt to protect it. Some of the glass from his spectacles had cut into his cheeks. The scout didn’t stop there. Again and again the bat cracked against his skull and he screamed when the sniper’s blade was plunged into his stomach, piercing his organs. He couldn’t think anymore and could only focus on the sharp, stinging pain and the hard clashes of metal against his head until it dulled into nothing.

Eventually, it was all over.

*******

He opened his eyes, his hands still shaking and adrenaline circulating around his body. His bonesaw was back in his hands. He had failed to protect himself from either of the feeble classes he had encountered. If he had swallowed his fear and gone for the kill, he would have probably made it out alive or better yet, have taken the capture point. He still felt frantic and jumpy. His knuckles were going white from gripping the bonesaw. He put it away, thinking better than to dwell on his failings. Ludwig clutched his stomach. He felt no scars, no open wounds… It was as if nothing happened at all. He felt his forehead and the same applied. His glasses were back on his nose without a single crack in the lenses. He had never gotten used to the sensation of respawn. On his previous team, he rarely had to die.

It seemed that this team was different.

‘’Thirty seconds remaining.’’ The administrator’s voice cooed over the battlefield. A moment later, the heavy respawned behind him. He said nothing, then brushed past him to get to the point. From demeanour alone, the heavy was angry. Or more specifically, the heavy was angry with him.

The medic paused and he wondered for a moment; _where on Earth was the demoman? Or the pyro? Or the engineer? They had all been absent from the point._ He figured that would be a valuable conversation to have with the team.

Ludwig dashed after Misha with his thoughts collected and neatly organised. He fixed the beam on the giant Russian and the man turned around. His eyes grew cold and his lips turned downward, indicating a frown. ‘’Go avay, doktor. You embarrass me.’’

‘’But I—‘’ He began.

‘’—Go.’’ The man snapped.

The medic knew better than to stand up against a man at least twice his size. He stepped away.

‘’You failed!’’ The administrator shouted, effectively ending the match.

*******

The team gathered up in the BLU base. It was almost like a house at times, with a kitchen, laundry, shower block and personal quarters. In that sense, it was a prison too. There was a designated time for dinner, showering, sleeping and recreation. He had been given the room and infirmary of the previous medic and was yet to experience either. Ludwig was dispatched into battle first to be welcomed later. It was a clumsy but necessary move by the higher ups to fill the medic shaped hole in the BLU team. He pulled up a chair, entering the chatting circle of his teammates.

All were silent when he sat down.

There was a brief pause until the engineer cleared his throat. ‘’Do ya wanna talk ‘bout today, son?’’ Dell asked, twirling a wrench over in his palm.

Ludwig noticed the hard stares of his team. It seemed he had been the subject of discussion. ‘’ _Ja._ I feel it is important ve talk about vhat happened today.’’ He caught himself fidgeting and put a stop to it immediately. ‘’In short, I apologise. I failed to perform adequately as a support for zhis team. I couldn’t ubercharge you, Misha vhen you needed it and I couldn’t hold zhe capture point.’’

‘’I know is first day on job, but you were unprepared for fight with even leetle men. Is unacceptable.’’ The heavy said, folding his enormous arms.

The spy took a drag from his cigarette. ‘’I could see the unprofessionalism even from the other side of the map, _mon ami._ ’’ He said. ‘’You were a stammering fool.’’

The demoman was nowhere to be seen, even after the match. ‘’I know zhis is beside zhe point, but vhere is Tavish? He vas absent from zhe conflict as vell.’’

‘’As far as I recall, he was unconscious.’’ The spy replied.

‘’Too much drink.’’ Misha continued.

‘’Hmm hmm hm!’’ The pyro said.

Engineer smiled. ‘’Pyro reckons you’re tryna shift the blame.’’

‘’ _Nein._ Ve can definitely do better as a team. I am of course part of the problem.’’ He said. ‘’But may I ask, vhere vere you, _Herr_ Pyro?’’

‘’Hm, hmm hmmmph hmph.’’ It said.

‘’Mumbles said he was going to back cap.’’ Dell retorted. ‘’That didn’t work out, though.’’

He felt the eyes of his team return to him. ‘’ _Ja_.’’ He remembered his medigun’s failure to deploy the ubercharge and he was increasingly aware of Dell’s expertise on everything mechanical. ‘’Dell, vould you mind inspecting my medigun? I believe it may be faulty.’’

‘’It is brand new from the factory, _docteur_.’’ The spy said. ‘’I think you’re trying to hide from your mistakes.’’ The man’s voice dropped to a whisper. ‘’It is not working, if you were curious.’’

The engineer scratched the stubble on his chin. ‘’I can give the thing a look later on, son. Now aint the time.’’

‘’Machine is not broken.’ The heavy interrupted. ‘’Doktor is clumsy.’’ He continued. ‘’Old doktor could still use machine even if it had been broken into two pieces!’’ He growled and his fist thumped against the table.

‘’I never thought we would be missing that crazy old sawbones.’’ The engineer sighed.

Ludwig felt out of place. ‘’Vhere is he?’’

‘’That much, we don’t know.’’ The spy said. ‘’I believed that he was terminated from his position. But upon my investigation, there was no evidence of such.’’

Dell removed his helmet sombrely. ‘’I believe he left. He wasn’t in a good state the last time I saw him.’’ The engineer said, looking away from the group. ‘’I wish had touched base with the fella.’’

Ludwig turned to Misha, who frowned upon his gaze. ‘’You must have known him quite well, Misha. Do you know what happened?’’

‘’I will not say.’’ The big Russian said monotonously. Had the previous doctor gained leverage on such a powerful man? The conversation had solved little.

‘’Ve have gotten a little off track. Ve should make somesing constructive out of zhis meeting… How can ve improve as a team for the next mission?’’ He asked.

Misha spoke first. ‘’Ludwig fix machine, or himself.’’

Dell smiled. ‘’I have to agree, boys. Maybe next time we could all jump on the right capture point, don’t you think, Pyro?’’

‘’Mhm!’’ He didn’t seem happy about it. Ludwig interpreted the sentence as ‘fine!’

The spy twirled his knife. ‘’Our dear friend Tavish shouldn’t drink before a match. Perhaps afterwards would be wiser.’’ The man spat the demoman’s name as if it were poison. ‘’I can tell him such advice later… when he is conscious.’’

‘’Vell… I’m glad to be vis zhis team, despite the rocky start. I’ll take zhese sings to heart and I hope all of you vill too.’’ He smiled pleasantly. He placed the medigun on his chair and left to the infirmary. He almost got lost along the way but eventually he found it. The caduceus symbol on the door was especially helpful. He retrieved the key from his breast pocket and slotted it in. The lock had rusted and put up a fight before giving in to the key. He tugged the key out then opened the door.

A rush of stale, vile air struck him immediately, the horrendous stench flooded his airways. He choked up and gagged. He turned from the entrance and his lunch left his body rudely and coarsely. He wiped his lip and took a step back. ‘’ _Mein gott…’’_ He muttered.

Ludwig heard the Spy uncloak behind him with a soft ‘ _whoosh’._ ‘’When talking about dear old Günter, our team often neglects to mention his less… loveable characteristics. Brace yourself, _docteur ._ ’’ Ludwig hesitated, the shakes in his body returning. ‘’Don’t be frightened, _camarade._ I will be right behind you… If that helps. I know it isn’t too comforting with my _metier_.’’

‘’I appreciate the sentiment.’’ He said, entering cautiously. He fumbled for the light switch and the halogen lights casted a dull glow over the room. The windows had been boarded and the equipment was scattered on the floor. Whoever was last here made a mess of it. Then, his eyes darted to the centre of the room. The RED heavy was strung up like a puppet with fishing wire bound to the rusted nails in the big man’s pale skin. The once-man had become a disgusting shade of grey. Parts of his body had decayed. A hand showed only bone and several teeth were visible in a patch of rot. His eyes were cloudy and unseeing. His shirt had been torn, showing his chest and stitch marks where his heart would have been. A long cut could be seen on his neck and purplish dried blood surrounded the wound. The stench was repulsive – like copper and decay. It was stale too, as if it had been festering for weeks.

‘’It’s disgusting…!’’ He hissed, raising his collar to his nose to repress the smell. ‘’God… a man of medicine vouldn’t do zhis… Only a monster vould.’’

‘’I’m sure our dear doctor did this.’’ Spy replied. ‘’Every cut is precise and done with a steady hand. It seemed our killer had no trouble with the concept of cutting someone open or the sight of blood and even organs. No less, he would have been the only one with a key to the infirmary… But yes, killing a man out of respawn hours is monstrous.’’ Spy stepped closer. ‘’He’s been here for weeks, it seems.’’

Ludwig looked to the Frenchman. ‘’Vhy has nobody sought to check zhe infirmary?’’

Spy lit a cigarette. ‘’We did not have a medic for weeks. There is no real point in going in if there is not a practitioner to help. Besides, none of us have a key for the infirmary.’’

‘’Did the RED team ask about their loss?’’ Ludwig said, gesturing to the Heavy.

‘’Not really. They gave out the occasional snarky comment about it on the battlefield, but they are not welcome in our base. And thus it is… difficult to talk about a loss.’’

‘’If they cannot come to our base… How vas zhe body dragged all zhe vay here? I vould not be able to carry him out zhe door, nor could I across zhe map.’’

Spy paused. ‘’That is a good observation. Perhaps somebody helped?’’

‘’I think zhat is the only vay it makes sense.’’

Spy examined the body, his eyes trailed up the nails to the fishing line and to the roof. ‘’It seems like this was a statement. An angry one.’’

Ludwig pondered that statement. _Angry…? Surely not._ He dared himself to step closer. ‘’Are you sure? It seems especially deliberate and almost careful… Look here, the cut to the throat is what killed him but the killer bothered to remove his heart… and sew the hole back up. And how odd! There’s a garland on his head. Rotted, of course but… it certainly isn’t anger.’’ He hadn’t seen the wilted garland before inspecting so closely. It complicated the meaning – if there was one – of this murder.

‘’If you say so, _docteur_.’’ The spy replied. ‘’Oh, yes… because of our lack of a doctor, I haven’t had my medication for some time. My lungs are starting to affect me. Would you mind?’’

‘’You should stop smoking, _herr_ spy. But I can get you somesing.’’ With reluctance, he unlocked the meds cabinet, half expecting another body. Thankfully, there were only pill bottles and first aid kits. He browsed the labels until he found what he was looking for. ‘’According to your medical file, zhis should help you.’’ He handed the bottle over. ‘’Be responsible with zhem, please.’’

‘’You checked our medical files?’’ He pocketed the pills.

It sounded almost creepy when he said it like that. ‘’Only briefly.’’

There was a pause. ‘’Shall I find Misha to help you clean this up?’’

‘‘ _Ja_. _Danke_ , spy.’’ He replied.

*******

He heard the footfalls of the heavy behind him. He turned to greet the man. ‘’I’m sorry to call for your help vhen I don’t deserve it, but I can’t see any ozher member of zhe team assisting me in zhis matter.’’

‘’Nobody has been here for long time.’’ Misha said, disregarding him completely. He seemed vacant. As if he was pretending that the sight didn’t bother him.

‘’It certainly seems zhat vay.’’ He replied.

The bulky Russian stopped when he saw the behemoth dangling from the ceiling. ‘’I see problem now.’’ The man didn’t seem fazed by the smell or even the sight of a man so much like himself killed brutally and put on display. He reached for a nail.

‘’Vait! Before you undo zhis mess, can I ask how you interpret zhis death? You vere close vis zhe previous medic, so maybe you understand zhe motive…?’’ It felt awkward to ask him. He felt as if he were stepping into a dangerous minefield, where a few wrong steps could kill him.

The big man paused for a long time. He placed his index on his chin and examined every detail of the dead Heavy. ‘’…I think is maybe art. Doktor liked to draw.’’ Misha replied. ‘’He kept art journal. Maybe you find.’’

He had never thought of the grim sight before him as art… and when he thought of it like a grotesque sculpture, it seemed more and more plausible. ‘ _’Danke_ , Misha. Please… Take him down now.’’ One by one, the giant plucked a nail free from the now malleable skin of the corpse. It came loose and fell with a thud when the last few nails were removed. He looked to Misha, who appeared almost solemn when looking at the final work of his medic. ‘’Ve think zhat zhe killer had someone helping him move zhe victim… Do you have any ideas about who could have helped?’’

Misha said nothing. Rather, he lifted the body to dispose of it and left the room.

Ludwig began work on sanitising the infirmary.

Any traces of blood, tissue or dust were destroyed, he hadn’t realised how white the walls were until he had scrubbed them down, or how shiny the floor was until he mopped it clean. He ripped the boards off of the windows and shined the glass until it was transparent once more. Ludwig sanitised any – and all – of the equipment. Better yet, the stench of death would be gone soon. The fresh air would clear it out.

Hopefully it would never return.

*******

He slotted the key into his quarters. Ludwig prayed in his mind that it would be in significantly better condition than the infirmary was. The door shrieked as it opened, telling of use and age. To his surprise, there was nothing other than dust out of the ordinary. Everything was to standard: There was a bed, a desk and chair, a bookshelf, wardrobe bedside table and a tall mirror.

Ludwig investigated all of it. He was curious to know more about the man that had come before him. Everything was systematically and methodically organised at the desk. He had a range of pencils and pens, all arranged by type. His books were organised by genre and the wardrobe had been neatly sectioned into formal and informal wear. Fortunately, Ludwig had brought his own clothing, and wouldn’t have to borrow any from the previous medic.

Now that he had seen the basics, he was curious about the ‘art journal’ Misha had mentioned. He looked through the drawers at the desk, he tugged the handle on one and found it not to open, as if it were jammed shut. He tugged it hard and it didn’t budge. He figured the journal Misha mentioned had to be in here, as it was the only part of the room that couldn’t be accessed.

A voice cried out from behind the door. ‘’It’s dinnerrrr lad!’’ The demoman was not nearly as drunk as he had been, but he was slurring his words still. Ludwig wondered if the Scot would even be sober by tomorrow morning.

‘ _’Danke_ , Tavish. I vill be out shortly.’’ Ludwig replied.

*******

He joined the other mercenaries at the table. He sat beside Dell and Pyro and smiled kindly to the both of them. ‘’Howdy, sawbones.’’ Dell said, grinning. ‘’Misha has cooked us up some steaks and Mumbles o’er here roasted some vegetables for supper, didn’t ya, son?’’ Ludwig had lost the majority of his appetite, but figured it was wise to eat something.

‘’Mhm!’’ Pyro responded.

‘’Is zhere a roster for who does zhe cooking, Dell?’’ He asked.

‘’Nah. You’re expected to lend a hand if ya can, but it aint a requirement.’’ Dell said. It eased Ludwig a little. He didn’t particularly enjoy cooking, nor was he good at it. ‘’Ah. Right… I checked out yer medigun. It’s in perfect condition and works like a dream. I’m thinkin’ that you didn’t pull the lever far enough and still had it on just the healin’ beam. You need to have a bit of confidence in yer machine, doc.’’

This was surprising. Coming to think of it, he hadn’t properly switched the beam to deploy the ubercharge. He hadn’t tugged the lever quite enough. Confidence was what he needed for sure. ‘’Thank you for investigating zhe issue, _meine freund_. Turns out I vas the issue… Hah!’’ He chuckled. Misha dished out the plates one by one, each plate had a Heavy-sized portion with enough food for two men and possibly a dog on it. Ludwig couldn’t complain. It was better to have more than less, anyhow. ‘’Zhis looks vonderful, Misha.’’ He turned to Pyro. ‘’And you, of course.’’

Once the BLU team was all sat at the table, Spy clapped his hands together once and began to speak. ‘’So, I hate to break this wonderful atmosphere but I caught wind of a rumour while scouring the RED base. Apparently, our previous medic accepted a contract from Redmond that offered more pay some time ago and will finally be on the battlefield tomorrow. I’m unsure how true this is, as Günter left rather suddenly… but it is interesting, no? And isn’t it odd that he decides to come back as soon as Ludwig arrives?’’

‘‘Hold up there, mister. How come he hasn’t been fightin’ with the lot of them if he accepted the contract so long ago?’’ Dell asked before placing a chunk of steak in his mouth.

Spy tilted his head slightly. ‘’They didn’t say, but my theory is that he was offered a vacation or some sort of leave – as icing on the cake if you will. The man was always a good negotiator.’’

‘’He hasn’t taken his items.’’ Ludwig said. ‘’It makes sense zhat he vould come back for zhem razher zhan disappear altogezher.’’

Misha spoke up, with partially chewed bits of vegetable in his mouth. ‘’Happens tomorrow.’’ He said.

Ludwig thought to check out that journal tonight.

*******

After several attempts, his arms grew tired and he still couldn’t force the damn drawer open. Ludwig figured it had been taken off the railing purposefully.

‘’Doktor should stop trying to fix.’’ Misha said from behind him, startling him. ‘’Will get you into trouble.’’ Ludwig had forgotten that the door was wide open.

Ludwig smiled. ‘’I could break it again once I’m done.’’ He replied.

‘’No. Doktor was very particular. Nobody see journal except him. He know if you look and I will get into trouble for telling you about it. He hate nosy men.’’

‘’I see.’’ He said, stepping away. ‘’I won’t disturb it any more, Misha.’’ He paused when he saw the crinkles in the big man’s forehead relax, indicating relief. ‘’Vhy are you so frightened of him? You are a very powerful man, Misha.’’

‘’Doktor know many thing about us. Know when we eat, when we sleep… He is clever. Can hurt team very easily. And you.’’ He replied, looking away almost shyly.

‘’I’ll be careful.’’ Ludwig affirmed. He didn’t quite believe it himself, as he was a clumsy individual and would likely not be able to keep that promise.

He thought the now RED medic and Misha had been friends, bound together by need on the battlefield. ‘’Sleep with one eye open.’’ Misha said.

Maybe they still were.


	2. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little scary.

‘ _’Guten morgen_.’’ A soft voice said from behind the door. ‘’May I come in? I wish to collect my things.’’ Ludwig sat up, with lingering, hazy feelings from his dreams. They would go soon, however. No doubt, that was Günter at the door. His voice was calm and gentle, but he still felt his nerves kick up.

This individual did have the capacity for murder, after all.

‘’Just a moment.’’ He said drowsily. Ludwig found his jumper from the previous night and threw it over his head. He put on his slacks and wiped the spittle from his mouth. He swept his dark hair off his face with the back of his hand and fetched his spectacles from the desk before cautiously opening the door. ‘ _’Guten morgen._ ’’ He said politely. The now RED medic looked quite refined. The other man’s hair was combed neatly, displaying a grey streak. He appeared to be well groomed, as his clothing was pristine without a single crease and his face was unmarked with dust, which was inescapable here. The doctor had high (and prominent) cheekbones, a large nose, cold eyes, thin lips and a tie dangled from his throat. He was quite the contrast to Ludwig – who had messy hair, petite features and lacked visible signs of age. He held a suitcase. ‘’Come in.’’ He said, stepping back to make way. It was then he noticed that the doorway was quite narrow.

It was harder to escape through if things went badly.

‘’I apologise, I did not realise you were asleep.’’ The RED medic said flatly, it barely sounded like a sincere apology. ‘’Ah, the room is just as I left it.’’ The older doctor said, a smile creeping on his lips. He opened up his suitcase and began to collect his clothes. He folded up each piece neatly before placing it inside. Small talk began. ‘’How interesting that I am summoned to the battlefield the day after you arrive, _herr_ doctor.’’ He noticed the man’s accent was not nearly as thick as his own. Perhaps it had thinned out over his medical career, or he was masking it. The two of them were surrounded by several English speakers, after all.

‘’It isn’t surprising. The higher ups likely vanted to balance zhe teams.’’ He replied. ‘’On zhat, have you met your team yet?’’

‘’I have met them many times.’’ He chuckled. ‘’But yes, I have been formally welcomed to my new team. It was a rather… rough start. Needless to say, they were not very happy to see me. I was their enemy for quite some time, so I can understand the glares and hateful little whispers.’’ He continued. ‘’I feel rather bad for Misha. I think he will miss me as a comrade… You will keep him company, won’t you? Despite how he appears, he is a lonely man.’’ His tone became sombre and almost caring, but for whatever reason, Ludwig couldn’t quite believe him.

‘’I don’t think he is very fond of me.’’ Ludwig said. ‘’Nor is the team… At least not yet. A few vell timed ubercharges might fix zhat.’’

The RED medic smiled, flashing pointed canines. ‘’Isn’t that funny! Your team dislikes you because you’re not me, and my team despises me because I am me. It seems we should have swapped places, _herr_ doctor.’’ He offered a smile. It was quite the statement … but a true one. The man had now finished with his clothes and he began to collect his pencils and books. Günter noticed his gaze. ‘’Not to worry, I will not be stripping this room bare. I will leave you some stationery, and something to read…’’ The doctor collected a few personal trinkets of his before going to the drawers. He looked to the busted one and removed his spectacles before inspecting it closely. ‘’Goodness, what has happened here?’’ Ludwig doubted his surprise to be genuine. ‘’Ludwig was it…? Would you mind helping me remove this drawer? I’m afraid it has been rendered unmovable by conventional means.’’ Ludwig joined his side and placed his hands under the wood. It put up a fight, but with their combined strength they lifted and dragged it out before gently lowering it onto the ground. Sure enough, there was a hardcover leather book in there, which he assumed to be the RED medic’s art book.

‘ _’Danke_.’’ The older man said, picking up the book and placing it in his suitcase. Ludwig wished he had gotten the opportunity to have a peek of what was inside. Yet, he had helped to take that opportunity away. He wished he hadn’t put a full effort in to assisting this man, but he had been compelled to by his nature to help those who needed him. ‘’I will see you on the battlefield, doctor.’’ He said, taking a bow before leaving with his suitcase. Ludwig took it upon himself to put the wooden drawer back into place. It was then when he saw his own clear fingerprints that had parted the sea of dust on the surface.

The absence of dust indicated that he had been tampering with it prior to the RED medic’s visit.

And Günter had inspected that surface very, very closely.

Ludwig felt stupid.

*******

At noon, the battle began. He retrieved his medigun and braced himself from inside BLU spawn. Dell swigged a beer from his self-made portable chair. He noticed Ludwig staring. ‘’What? Can’t a Texan enjoy a drink before a fight?’’

‘’Of course, comrade. It is just atypical, at least for you.’’

Dell laughed. ‘’I need a good drink before seein’ the old sawbones again. By the end’a today you’re gonna need one too.’’

‘’Aye to that, gimme a drink, mate.’’ Tavish said.

Dell smiled, then swigged his down to taunt the demoman. ‘’Sorry son, you’ve been banned from drinkin’ before a match.’’

‘’Who cares about the blimmin’ rules?’’ He snapped.

‘’It is better if you don’t drink, Tavish. Perhaps the ban vill be lifted if you do vell?’’

The Scot had nothing to say to that. ‘’That sure shut ‘im up!’’ Dell said, enthused.

‘’Mhm!’’ Pyro agreed.

He saw the medigun flare up with a full charge and sparks flew from the end. The dull glow was pleasing to the eyes and the crackle of energy buzzed in his ears. He found Misha at the gate, once again revving his minigun. ‘’I’m going to make it up to you, Misha. Zhis one vill be a good charge!’’

‘’Good, good!’’ Misha cheered.

‘’Mission begins in thirty seconds.’’ The administrator’s voice echoed throughout the battlefield.

‘’Prepare mind, Ludwig. RED doktor is different man on the battlefield. Not so… normal.’’ He wasn’t quite sure what to make of that statement. He took it as a warning.

‘’Three, two, one… FIGHT!’’ The administrator yelled. Ludwig followed Misha closely and quickly examined the battlefield. The RED sniper was perched up on a platform above the capture point. The scout was harassing the pyro with quick movements around him and shots from a scattergun by his feet. The Soldier was firing rockets from the point. He could glimpse a red healing beam from behind the American. The RED Heavy was nowhere to be seen. Ludwig assumed he would be near or on the point.

‘’Be vary of zhe sniper, Misha. He has an eye on us.’’ He said softly to the Russian. As he was speaking, a bullet whisked past his ear. ‘’Ve have to move quickly.’’ He said, now a little jumpy. He made a note not to let those nerves break him. Misha began to run to the capture point, strafing side to side to avoid a headshot. Ludwig did the same.

They made it to the capture point. Ludwig had assumed correctly, the RED Heavy was there with the soldier who had the medic behind him. He watched the RED medic activate the ubercharge on the kritzkreig and the soldier’s rocket launcher was charged into a bright red. In a split second decision, he pulled the lever of the medigun as hard as he could, forcing it all the way forward until the excess energy burst from the end as an ubercharge. It coated Misha and himself in invulnerability and the high that came with unspeakable power. It protected them from a charged rocket. Misha managed to mow down the heavy and get several rounds into the soldier. He caught the sniper retreating from the corner of his eye and just as the charge ended, the soldier had been torn to pieces with hundreds of rounds. Only Günter remained. He began to step back hands raised. Misha hesitated, despite the fact that he was still spinning the minigun, he wasn’t firing. ‘’Go, doktor.’’ Misha said.

‘’ Иди сейчас, Misha.’’ The RED medic said. ‘’Будьте добры?’’

Misha froze up then turned and stepped away from the cap. Günter drew his ubersaw and a grin spread on his lips. Before Ludwig could draw his own weapon, the medic had leapt forward, thrusted the blade deep into Misha’s back, then ripped it out just as fast.

Misha dropped to the ground.

Dead.

‘’Z-Zhat vas… d-dirty.’’ Ludwig stammered, clutching his bonesaw.

The RED medic turned to face him, the toothy grin still on his face. Red blood trailed up his sleeve to the crook of his elbow. ‘’You know what they say. To touch a man’s heart, you speak his language.’’ Günter said, chuffed with himself.

‘’Misha vanted to spare you.’’ He rebutted.

‘’That was his mistake. He knows that now, doesn’t he? I taught him a valuable lesson; not to trust me. And if I am not mistaken, you must learn that lesson as well.’’ The doctor said, stroking the blade of his ubersaw with a gloved finger, cleaning off most of Misha’s blood. He was preparing for the next strike. Adrenaline rushed through his body. He could hear his heart pounding and feel heat coursing through him. He wanted to run, but knew he wouldn’t get far.

Ludwig looked to his own weapon and leapt at the man, deciding to pounce first. He felt the tail of his coat swish behind him, he raised the blade and attempted to thrust it into the doctor’s swinging arm, only to miss by a long shot. The older man swept him off his feet and knocked him to the ground. A heeled boot stomped his back. ‘ _’Dreh dich auf den rücken._ ’’ He ordered raising his boot. Ludwig had no authority to refuse and turned to lie on his back instead. Maybe he’d make it quick if he played along. The doctor pinned him with the weight of his body and his hand gripped the BLU medic’s chin, forcing it up to expose his neck. He did it cruelly and roughly. ‘’I have never seen someone so afraid to die.’’ He said softly, it came across as almost gentle, yet taunting and mischievous at the same time.

‘’M-Make it quick.’’ He hissed and shot the RED medic a glare. The stutter betrayed his faux confidence and again, he sounded just as fearful as he felt.

‘’You would rather comply and die quickly than put up a fight and delay it. I quite like the change, I think… It’s refreshing not to have to chase down a victim, is it not?’’ Ludwig felt his breaths accelerating, anticipating the cut to the neck. He could hardly breathe with the other man on top of him and his nerves intensified the feeling of breathlessness indefinitely. He felt like a panting dog. Ludwig felt Günter’s other hand on his chest. ‘’ _Mein gott_ … I can feel your heart racing. You must be terrified, Ludwig.’’ His ecstatic smile grew wider. The doctor enjoyed his fear and toying with him. The RED medic’s hand was lifted from his beating heart and instead, held his ubersaw. It was placed against his neck, the cold steel made him shudder.

‘’N-N-N-No!’’ He wailed.

‘’Can you feel the _schadenfreude_?’’ Günter asked. ‘’It is… electrifying.’’ He whispered , then he dragged the tip of the blade across his neck, just the tip was sharp enough to split skin and cause bleeding – it was a shallow wound, not enough to kill him. It was a tease of what was to come. ‘’There is something so… exciting about killing you.’’ He muttered, the RED medic now sounded breathless, as if he was in a state of utter euphoria. Again, the tip of the ubersaw traced the cut on his throat, back and forth, gently and teasingly. Ludwig heard footfalls from outside. He didn’t dare to say a word. He felt himself hyperventilating – breathing rapidly for comfort. ‘’It is quite alright, Ludwig. I’m going to kill you soon.’’ The gloved hand on his chin moved to his cheek and remained there. A thumb gently stroked his cheek, in a slow, back and forth motion. ‘’I just want to play a little longer.’’ He couldn’t hear the footsteps becoming louder over his own voice and nor did he hear the fire axe swing down into his skull, splashing blood all over Ludwig’s face and neck, mixing with his own.

‘’Mmhm mmmhm mmm!’’ Pyro snapped, the sass seeping into his voice. It sounded like the man was scolding him. The firefly placed a boot on the dead man’s back and tugged the axe from his head. Ludwig turned away from the morbid sight.

He was still breathing hard. ‘’ _D-D-Danke_ … Pyro.’’ He wheezed. ‘’Ve… V-Ve should capture zhis p-point.’’ They stepped on the point together. All Ludwig could feel was relief… and the throbbing pain from the cut on his neck. He made a mental note to bandage it up later. Tavish dashed in, wielding his stickybomb launcher. He shared the beams of the medigun between the two of them, hoping to build up an uber before the end of the round.

‘’Let’s capture this bloody point, boyos!’’ He cried. The RED Scout rushed in and was promptly blown up into meaty chunks before he could fire a single round. The engineer joined them just before they captured the point.

‘’Time has been added.’’ The administrator said.

‘’Sorry I’m late, boys. I had tah deal with Misha.’’ Dell said. Ludwig was curious what he meant or more specifically, how he had ‘dealt with Misha.’ Or why it had been necessary in the first place.

They went as a group to the next capture point, fighting their way through the sniper and a newly respawned soldier along the way. He wondered where Misha was – surely he would have respawned by now?

The four of them mowed down the RED Heavy and leapt on the point. They were interrupted in their efforts and the point became theirs in moments.

‘’Victory!’’ The administrator’s voice boomed across the almost empty battlefield. Tavish offered high fives. The offer was accepted by each one of them. Engineer slapped his hand hard.

‘’Fuck ya, Dell!’’ He hissed, recoiling from the hit. The short Texan merely laughed.

Ludwig smiled. He had finally felt comradery on this team. ‘’Dell… I think I’m going to have to take up your offer on zhat beer.’’

Dell wrapped an arm around him. ‘’I told ya, didn’t I?’’

It only took a victory to bind them together.

*******

Günter awoke in respawn. Instinctually, he ran his hand through his hair, feeling for any sort of wound. In typical respawn fashion, there was no evidence of his skull being caved by an axe. He had only managed to scar the BLU medic, both physically and perhaps, psychologically. He had longed to kill the man in the moment and had been teasing both himself and Ludwig to that end. Effectively playing cat and mouse with the idea of death. The sensation of overpowering a man so much like himself and pinning him in a position of weakness had been heavenly. Ludwig had been like a rabbit caught in the jaws of a wolf. He hadn’t even put up a fight. The rabbit would have been compliant with anything, if he was given the promise of a swift death or even the hope of none at all.

The prospect of slicing his throat open and watching the blood spurt out had sung to him in that moment on the capture point and he could have experienced the overwhelming and powerful feelings of bliss brought by _schadenfreude_ it if a mindless little firefly hadn’t so happened to walk in. Because of the pyro, the warm, buzzing feelings of the _schadenfreude_ had been ripped away from him and it had been reborn into hot, burning anger.

‘’You don’t look so good, doc. Bit er, red in the face. Thinkin’ ‘bout someone?’’ The scout asked. His voice was as irritating as ever. The young man was slumped against the wall, tossing a baseball in one palm to the next.

‘’Yes. I was thinking about the man who caved my skull in with an axe.’’ He spat, shooting the young man a glare sharp as knives. ‘’Perhaps you could have prevented it, if you had bothered to think of any other strategy than running directly into enemy fire.’’

 _‘’_ Aw shit, someone’s pissy.’’ He grumbled.

He inspected his ubersaw. Then the boy. He seemed to be unarmed, with the exception of the baseball – if that counted. The respawn system was online for an hour after a match. ‘‘Quite.’’ He said flatly, taking several steps forward before placing a hand on the wall by Jeremy and the other clutched the ubersaw. ‘’You’d do well to think about what you’re doing, _dummkopf._ ’’ He hissed.

Jeremy smiled smugly. His breath stunk of sugary drinks. The stench made Günter even more keen to beat him. ‘’Neither do you, moron. You’d rather be an asshole to some newbie on BLU than kill them quick and defend the point!’’ The boy yelled. He gripped the saw tightly and glared. One more word would be all it took. ‘’Maybe **you** should think about what-- ‘’ He plunged the blade into the Bostonian’s stomach. He had the gall scold him even after he had held the point for his team! It wasn’t the place of someone so unintelligible to tell him off for doing his job. The RED medic ensured that he would know not to yell at him again. The shriek that came out of him was like a pretty melody and soothed some of the anger that boiled his blood. He kicked the boy for good measure. His voice was raspy now. ‘’Why are ya so fuckin’ mad, doc? Oh right, ya couldn’t even kill a defenceless little BLU!’’

‘’Quieten down, Jeremy.’’ Günter threatened. ‘’I don’t think you would like a repeat your last trip to my infirmary, would you?’’

Jeremy was not conscious enough to reply, but he knew that the Bostonian had heard his words. The RED medic withdrew his saw to finish the boy off.

He took a step back, viewed the bloody mess he had made and found inspiration.

*******

Günter didn’t need a reference today. The image was so vivid in his mind that he could draw it almost as he imagined it. Every detail from his head was put to paper in graphite, from the textures to the tones, to the background and the subject… It was all accounted for in his mind. He was there for hours, perfecting this image and shaping every aspect.

The BLU medic had been his inspiration.

A knock at the door halted his train of thought and his focus on the work. Before he could reply, his door was forced open and the soldier stood in the doorway.

‘’IT IS TIME TO EAT FOOD.’’ Jane shouted.

‘’Thank you. Just give me a moment.’’ Günter replied.

When he stood up, he stretched like a cat that had just taken a nap. He yawned softly and cracked his knuckles before walking to the dining room.

*******

He sat down at the head of the table. The heavy had prepared sandwiches, after Jane’s failed attempts to cook.

Jane’s idea of ‘cooking’ seemed to be ‘burning’. Regardless, he was thankful of the Russian’s efforts to save dinner. The heavy still hadn’t introduced himself formally to Günter, perhaps he was frightened, or merely spiteful that he had been the undoing of the previous RED Heavy. ‘’Thank you, _kamerad.’’_ He said as the giant passed him his sandwich. The air still stunk of burnt meat.

He noticed Jeremy staring from the other end of the table. ‘’Don’t think I’ve forgotten what’cha did tah me.’’ He snarled.

‘’I didn’t think you would forget too soon.’’ He remarked. ‘' _Ich würde es gerne wieder machen._ ’’ He mumbled under his breath.

‘’I don’t know what’cha said about me, but it better have been somethin’ good!’’ Jeremy shouted. He didn’t have an indoor voice, it seemed.

The sniper sat beside him, deliberately avoiding the infuriated scout. ‘’Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bloody bed… What’s got ‘im so riled up?’’

‘’Me.’’ He quite liked the Aussie. His accent was fun to listen to and he quite enjoyed his insults that he hurled at both his own team and the BLU team. The man was smarter than he seemed and despite living like a pig in his camper, was enjoyable to be around because he knew not to pry.

‘’Ah. That aint new.’’ Mundy replied. ‘’If you’re curious, I’ve forgivin’ ya. For… Ya know, putting my organs on display for fun. It aint worth holdin’ a grudge. I was pretty pissed when I heard you were comin’ back but you seem like a good bloke. Consider it like it never bloody happened.’’

He thought for a moment. ‘’I appreciate your carefree nature, _meine freund._ I’m glad you can leave the past behind.’’ He replied.

The scout piped up with a mouth full of bread. ‘’You aint great at forgivin’ people, doc.’’

‘’I am very aware of that fault.’’ He said. ‘’It can be remarkably difficult to forgive... Which makes it such a beautiful thing, because of its rarity.’’ He mused.

Heavy sat down at the table and chomped his sandwich. ‘’Forgiving is hard thing for insecure man, because he cannot forgive himself.’’ He said gruffly.

‘’ _Ja_.’’ He replied. ‘’I quite like that statement… Could you tell me your name? I don’t think we have been formally introduced yet.’’

‘’Name is Ivan.’’ He said.

Günter smiled. ‘’That is a good start. It is wonderful to be finally introduced, Ivan.’’ He looked to his sandwich, then to Ivan. ‘’These are lovely. I’m not surprised you like to bring these to the battlefield.’’

‘ _’Da_. It fills hole in belly.’’ The Russian said, returning the smile in kind.

‘’That it does.’’ The RED medic replied.

*******

Günter decided to spend the last of his evening with his new book. He sorely missed the nights he could spend curled up with a novel before falling asleep and losing his page. He wasn’t sure how to feel about this one yet, as he was barely thirty pages in. Little was happening and he found it quite difficult to remain focused.

In his mind’s eye, he could only imagine cutting Ludwig’s throat open, rather than the words on the page or what they detailed. Günter could almost feel the warm blood splash against his hands. He could picture stroking the younger man’s lip with his thumb then tearing his jaw apart with the blade of his ubersaw.

He bit his lip as hard as he could, drawing blood to take himself away from his imagination. It had always been a problematic thing, even when he was a boy he would get distracted during classes and would instead think of fantastical worlds. As he aged, the fantastical had become more and more violent until his dreams detailed only gruesome deaths of his own volition.

*******

Ludwig knocked on the door of Misha’s quarters. ‘’Are you in zhere, Misha?’’

‘’ _Da_.’’ He replied monotonously. ‘’Come in.’’ Slowly, Ludwig turned the doorknob and walked in. The room was littered with weights and had a makeshift pull-up bar. Ludwig minded his step around the weights. He would trip if he wasn’t careful.

He couldn’t help but be intimidated by the behemoth in front of him. ‘’I… If it’s okay vis you o-of course… I would like to unbottle my feelings. Specifically about today...’’ He felt as if he was intruding.

‘’Is ok. I have conflicting feelings as well.’’ Misha said.

‘’You do?’’

‘’Da… I feel was duty as friend to let him run avay from big gun but he ask me to run avay… then hurt me like enemy.’’ Clearly, the stoic man had been shaken. ‘’Speak Russian to make me happy, then stab me in back.’’ He whimpered. ‘’I thought was friend.’’

‘’It was dirty.’’ Ludwig said, he couldn’t bear to look at the Russian. He was miserable.

Misha was silent for a while. ‘’But… What happened to you? I did not see in respawn.’’ He asked.

‘’Well… It might be better if I show you.’’ Gently, he unravelled the bandages around his neck, showing the long cut along his throat. It was a straight, precise line. The RED medic had a steady hand, for sure. ‘‘Günter vas going to kill me but Pyro axed him before he could finish me off. It might have been better if I had been killed… I vouldn’t have zhe scar, at least.’’

‘’Vould not have been good for mind.’’ Misha said. ‘’Nightmares of dying happen then. Is like reliving death all night. Not good.’’

‘’Are you going to have nightmares, Misha?’’ He looked intimately to the other man’s eyes. Misha raised his eyebrows and the corners of his lips turned down.

He was quiet at that.

All the talk of nightmares made him feel less inclined to go to bed, but he could feel himself growing weary.


	3. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams get their own tiny chapters :)

_The fox’s teeth tore into the rabbit’s throat, tearing fur and flesh alike. Blood spilled out and the rabbit began to run. It sprinted with incredible speed, but it didn’t matter. The fox caught it and pinned it to the ground with a paw. It licked the blood pouring from the hare’s neck and then whispered ever so softly._

_‘’Run… Run away.’’ Its voice was a gentle purr, yet terrifying._

_It obeyed without question and sprinted far away, hoping that the fox wouldn’t chase it._


	4. Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh oh

He stirred from his sleep and his eyes burned. He ran his fingertips over the bandaging on his throat, reminding himself that it was there. Ludwig was undoubtedly a light sleeper, even soft noises could wake him. It was a frustrating trait that often left to lost sleep but he felt it to be a necessary one for a mercenary. He turned onto his side to find comfort and sat up immediately when he saw the silhouette of a man sitting on the end of the bed, it woke him from the foggy haze that came from sleep. ‘ _’Was machst du in meinem zimmer_?!’’ He cried.

‘ _’Ich möchte reden_.’’ The RED medic said softly. Ludwig’s breath hitched. He had left his door unlocked…! It had been a foolish mistake. He sat up against the wall and held himself with his arms. He balled his fists tightly, his mind screamed that he should run, but he didn’t listen. He would be caught anyway. ‘ _’Ich bin unbewaffnet, hab keine angst_.’’ Günter continued.

‘’You may be unarmed, but zhat doesn’t mean you don’t vant to hurt me.’’

‘’Enough _Deutsche_? I was quite enjoying it… oh well.’’ In the darkness, he could see the doctor turn towards him. ‘’I do not intend to harm you. This is merely a conversation. What this conversation becomes is entirely up to you.’’

Ludwig cut to the chase. ‘’Vhy are you here, Günter? You took the effort to sneak out of your quarters and across the map just to break into my room… And to what end?’’

‘’Again, I just want to talk.’’ He repeated.

‘’About vhat?!’’ Ludwig asked, still shaken. ‘’And please, get off my bed.’’

The older man did as was asked of him. Ludwig thought that he wouldn’t comply. Instead of sitting on his bed, he stood against the wall, arms folded. He was thankful for the distance it created between them. He may have a chance to see an attack coming from this distance. ‘’I thought it was quite obvious. I wanted to speak about our previous interaction.’’ He said it so formally and impersonally that felt odd to hear.

‘’Is zhis supposed to be an apology for slicing my neck open?’’ He asked bitterly. ‘’Breaking into my room and vaking me up isn’t a good vay to do it.’’ Unconsciously, he had touched the bandaging around his neck and felt the rough textures of the fabric on his fingertips.

‘’Oh no. It’s quite the opposite really. I am not apologising for anything. Rather, I would like you to apologise to me.’’ He said flatly. Within his tone, there was a thinly veiled threat. ‘’I noticed scuff marks - not to mention your fingerprints all over a certain something in this very room – my room - and I was wondering… what were you looking for? You had a goal in mind... You were convinced there was something of interest in there.’’

‘’Y-you have misunderstood…’’ He began, he was fumbling for any excuse. ‘’I vas trying to fix it. I vas not… invading your privacy. Nor v-v-vas I looking f-for somesing of y-y-yours.’’ His voice had faltered, clearly displaying his stress.

‘’You don’t sound so confident, Ludwig...’’ Günter sneered. ‘’Are you sure that was your intention? I for one, don’t believe it for a second.’’ His voice had dropped into a low growl, as if he was about to pounce. ‘’Someone told you to find it.’’ He said. ‘’Who?’’

‘’Nobody did!’’ Ludwig squealed, protecting Misha. The Russian would suffer too if he ratted him out.

The man bared his teeth. He grew irritable and his voice had become a stern growl, like an angered father. ‘’You have lied to me twice now… I don’t think I can tolerate it a third time.’’ The older man stepped towards the bed and sat in front of him. It was then when Ludwig noticed that he was tall. Very tall. The RED medic towered above him and Ludwig had to look up to meet eye contact with the doctor. The subtle moonlight put a glint in his spectacles and illuminated his grin. ‘’No more beating around the bush… Were you searching for my journal?’’

‘ _’Nein_.’’ He wasn’t sure why he held up the façade. He felt that the doctor would step away if he was firm, but he didn’t. Instead, Günter’s hands wrapped around his throat and squeezed. His grip deprived him of air and he began to choke. He could hear himself coughing and sputtering in a desperate effort for oxygen.

‘’I merely want the truth _,_ Ludwig!’’ Günter barked. He was angry now, there was no doubt about it. His grip became so tight that the scarring on his neck split apart and his blood began to trickle out. . The wound had been opened once more. Tears spilled from his eyes, he didn’t want to die, especially not like this. All he could hear was his pounding heart. If the lights had been on, Ludwig would have been able to see the redness on the other’s face and the sweat sliding down his neck. Even in the dark, the doctor’s bare teeth were visible – he had stark and pointed canines and an uncivil sort of viciousness about his appearance, as if he wasn’t a man at all, but a wolf in a man’s skin.

And here he was, in the beast’s jaws.

But even then, prey are never entirely hopeless.

Ludwig used the last of his strength to weaken the vice grip around his throat and to take a life-sustaining breath. His heart raced, full of adrenaline and energised by fear. He managed to tear the beast’s hands away from his neck. ‘’I-I-I vas…’’ He had to breathe more. He still couldn’t speak. Ludwig could hear himself wheezing. ‘’I… haah… I vas curious.’’ He paused to inhale deeply. ‘’I vas curious… curious about you.’’ Ludwig breathed, his voice barely audible. ‘’A journal… vould have… told me a lot.’’ He was bargaining for his life. And though it wasn’t a good bargain, it was better than nothing.

‘’Curious? About me?’’ The RED doctor asked, almost sceptical but his intrigue seeped into his voice. Ludwig noticed that the man had an ego and hearing about himself would give Ludwig an opportunity to catch his breath.

He then realised the older man was in front of him with a hand resting on the bed and the other on his chest. It was close enough to his neck to threaten strangulation but far enough to promise survival. ‘ _’Ja_. I vanted to know vhat sort of man you vere. Vhat made you tick. You left me an interesting hint in zhe infirmary and I vanted to know your motivation for such an act.’’

It seemed he had flipped a switch from within Günter’s mind. He had become calm, relaxed even. As if he didn’t have murderous intent earlier. ‘’My motivation was simple, Ludwig.’’ He said softly and quietly, as if it were a secret to be kept. The RED medic leaned in very close, so close that he could feel his hot breath tickling his ears. ‘’ _Schadenfreude._ ’’ He whispered the phrase in such a way that it came across as frightening. But there was an underlying sensuality in it. A deep rooted adoration for the concept.

The delivery had been deliberate. Ludwig paused and considered his words carefully.‘ _’ Ist es eine sexuelle sache für dich_?’’ He said quietly, maintaining the secretive nature of their conversation. He was aware that the walls were paper thin, and despite the fact that no others would be able to understand them, it was better if nothing could be heard at all.

‘ _’Es kann sein._ ’’ His gaze was intensive now. He didn’t look away, nor did he drift away from the conversation. Ludwig returned that intensity. He wasn’t sure what to think, the RED medic was a sick individual, but in a way, all mercenaries were. Especially a mercenary that happened to work in the medical field… It had always felt contradictory.

He could feel warm blood dripping from the bandage, which was now soaked. ‘’…Vas it like zhat vhen you choked me?’’ He whispered. He didn’t even realised he had slipped into English again.

Günter paused. He was thoughtful for a moment before speaking again. ‘’Yes, it was _._ ’’ The hand on his chest crawled up to his gullet and carefully loosened the bandages so that his fingers could just slip under to admire his own work. ‘’I can’t help but wonder if you liked it as well.. _._ ’’ He mumbled. His fingertips traced the bloody wound. It stung slightly. Ludwig allowed it, if it brought him closer to living long enough to see the sun rise in the morning.

He pondered the statement and found that he had no answer. ‘ _’_ I’m not sure _._ ’’ He mumbled. He was a little ashamed. He had enjoyed the rush of adrenaline that came with fighting off his assailant and the thump of his heartbeat… But he had been so terribly afraid as well.

Both of them were silenced when a glimpse of sunlight could be seen from the window. The sky was slowly lightening, indicating the sun would rise very soon, removing the cover of night. ‘’ _Ich sollte gehen. Auf Wiedersehen,_ Ludwig.’’ He said before standing up and leaving.

Ludwig rubbed his eyes and thought it wise to get out of bed. He hadn’t even realised how much time had passed. It was unlikely that he would get back to sleep after this. He hopped up and dressed himself. He thought to make his team something for breakfast, as he had extra time on his hands. There was no pressure of an impending conflict today.

Simple bacon and eggs would do.

As he cooked, Dell stepped into the kitchen, still in his pyjamas. ‘’Good mornin’ mister. You’re up early, aint ya?’’ He reached into the fridge and swigged orange juice straight from the bottle.

Ludwig smiled at his antics. ‘’I did not sleep so vell. Vould you like _Frühstück_ , Dell?’’

‘‘Sure, son.’’ He replied, then his eyes darted to Ludwig’s throat. ‘’There’s a fair bit’a blood on your neck, I think you must’a reopened that cut, doc.’’ Dell said, pointing to the bandaging.

Ludwig touched the bloodied bandages. ‘’I must have moved a lot in my sleep.’’ He lied. ‘’It vill be fine, I think.’’

One by one, the rest of the team awoke and joined him in the kitchen. Misha came first, then Spy, followed by pyro and finally; Tavish.

They ate together as a group. They were quiet with the satisfaction of a meal until Spy spoke up.

‘’You left your door unlocked last night, _mon ami._ Someone could have broken in.’’ He said. Ludwig felt that the Frenchman was hinting that he knew of last night.

‘’Goodness… How silly of me. I vill know for next time.’’ He waved it off, as if he hadn’t known – but Spy had likely seen straight through his act, as if it had been glass.

Not to mention, he was a terrible liar.

*******

Once the BLU team had cleared out of the kitchen after their feed, Spy spoke to him again. ‘’I heard you talking to someone last night, _docteur_.’’ He began. ‘’In a mix of German and English if I recall correctly.’’ Spy had known. ‘’You and I both know of only two individuals with a grasp on both languages.’’ Ludwig inferred that the spy was accusing him of betraying his team.

‘’No need to vorry, _herr_ Spy. I am not on friendly terms vis RED.’’ He assured.

Spy took a drag from his cigarette, then exhaled. It released a cloud of smoke that drifted away. ‘’That was not a concern. While I do not wish to meddle in private affairs, I feel that you may be far too close to the RED medic. From what I saw on the battlefield, you are compliant with him. You do little to stop him from killing us. Nor did you fight him when he visited you in the night.’’ Ludwig could see it from the perspective of an observer. His inactivity was suspicious.

‘’I know it looks bad. I am not assisting him. He merely vanted to discuss somesing vis me.’’ He said. ‘’And on zhe battlefield, I could not fight him because I vas afraid. I vill control my nerves next time, spy.’’

‘’It sounded quite intimate.’’ Spy replied, sceptical. ‘’I doubt that you are being entirely truthful with me. I think you might be helping him commit his next murder, if he is planning one. The dead Heavy did not look good for him. I doubt that he was the last one.’’ He said. ‘’And the next will likely be one of us.’’

‘’ _Nein._ Zhat is not it.’’ The spy waved him off impatiently, not believing a word.

Even when he left, a buzzing tension lingered in the air.

*******

Misha moved the black knight within range of the king. ‘’Check.’’ He said. The Russian looked very different in his glasses. He looked older and more like a father. He was less intimidating.

‘’I think I have lost here.’’ Ludwig chuckled. ‘’I have never been good at chess.’’

‘’Hm. You surrender?’’ Misha replied, a smile creeping on his lips. He was proud of himself.

Ludwig watched the man take his king. ‘’I surrender.’’ He leaned back into the chair and stretched out. He yawned softly and reached for his cup of tea. The warm liquid and bitter flavour was infinitely refreshing.

‘’Is good tea.’’ Misha said, and drank his in one go. ‘’Only wish is for bigger cup.’’ He chuckled heartily.

‘’I have to agree. Zhese are too small to be useful.’’ Misha had stopped listening. Rather, he looked down to his empty cup, then deep into Ludwig’s eyes.

‘’Spy say interesting thing to me before game. He think you and doktor are friends. No… wrong word. Not friend. ‘accomplice’.’’ He said. ‘’Team is wary... Ears open and eyes watching.’’ Misha pushed up his glasses. ‘’I do not believe. I think you are in wrong place at wrong time. It is job of spy to be suspicious. Be careful.’’

‘’ I can understand vhy Spy has misunderstood… Vhen I sought of it vis the perspective of an observer, my actions are suspicious. I… appreciate your trust, Misha. I’m glad I can count on you.’’

The big man smiled.

*******

Ludwig was the last to arrive to dinner. He felt the weight of the gazes on him. Even Pyro was staring, indicating he was away from the fluffy fantasies of Pyroland. ‘’ _Guten Abend._ ’’ He said passively. The polite tone did little to deter the tension that seemed to electrify the air.

Tavish was the first to start. ‘’Sooo… What’s our sneaky little mate been up to?’’ Subtlety was not his specialty, it seemed. Especially with alcohol in his system. It seemed the Spy had spoken up about his suspicions.

‘’I vas playing chess vis Misha. He von, of course.’’ He grinned at the big Russian and received one in kind.

‘’I believe he was asking about something more than a game of chess.’’ Spy said coldly.

‘ _’Oh mein gott_!’’ He mumbled under his breath, losing a bit of patience. ‘’I did not see the RED medic today, if zhat vas your question.’’

‘’Mhm Mmhmmhm!’’ Pyro replied.

Dell smiled. He wasn’t an active participant in this discussion, it seemed. ‘’Mumbles reckons you’re bein’ defensive.’’

Ludwig sighed. This was proving to be a frustrating ordeal. ‘’I am not being defensive, _herr_ Pyro. I am just a little… frustrated. You’re all prodding me as-as if I killed s-someone!’’ He felt himself raising his voice and his anger materialised into a slight stammer. The table went quiet. ‘’I’m sorry. I should not have yelled like zhat... I don’t know vhat got into me.’’ He apologised frantically, but he knew it did little for him.

*******

After cleaning up the dishes and the table, Ludwig yawned. The lack of sleep had finally caught up with him. His eyes burned and he could think of nothing else but going to bed and feeling the comfort of a warm blanket and a soft pillow. He bypassed the rooms of his team on the way to his own. He didn’t dwell on the sinking feeling in his stomach. He knew he was upset but didn’t wish to acknowledge it too much. The distrust from his team stung badly. They were growing to be quite suspicious of him even though—

He held that thought.

He paused when he saw Pyro’s room. The door hung open, narrowly holding on to its hinges. His heart nearly stopped when he looked inside. The firefly was slumped against the furthest wall, his dead emerald eyes staring back at him. His flowing ginger hair had been further reddened with his blood and his fire retardant suit was covered in hack marks. He could see split skin from within the breaches in the suit. A fire axe was deep in the man’s forehead and blood had dripped down his face and onto the flooring. His mask had been discarded nearby. And as he approached, a scrawl of Pyro’s blood read;

**’BLU’**

It took a moment to decipher the poor handwriting, but once he saw the word, he couldn’t see it any differently. It was incriminating for not only himself but for the entire team. No doubt, he would be labelled the suspect. Before moving forward, he examined the room. He noticed the lack of scuff marks. The furniture was still in place as if nobody had been here at all.

There had been no fight.

Ludwig stepped back outside and one by one, gathered up the remaining men from BLU to examine the scene.

The spy crouched at the misshapen letters. ‘’Pyro wrote ‘BLU’. Isn’t that peculiar, **Ludwig**?’’ The Frenchman placed great emphasis on his name and turned to face him as to accuse him as the killer.

‘’How can we be so sure Pyro wrote the damn thing?’’ Dell asked. ‘’If there’s an axe in his brains, he would’a died straight away! And so, someone else wrote that shit.’’ He pointed to the scrawl.

Misha inspected the corpse carefully. ‘’If axe in head killed him, he could not have wrote word. If he had time to bleed out, he could have wrote.’’

Spy looked to Ludwig and scowled. ‘’I think we already know the answer. Pyro wrote it to warn us that the killer is one of us.’’

‘’I couldn’t have done it, Spy. Think logically. I vas doing zhe dishes from dinner.’’ He wanted to quell any scepticism about his involvement.

‘’I disagree, lad.’’ Tavish snapped, defending Spy’s standpoint. ‘’I think the RED doctor’s gottin’ in your head. And maybe brought out yer true nature. You coulda stopped by his room after dinner and axed his brains, then gone to do the dishes and pretended like ya didn’t do it!’’

Ludwig thought of only one solution. ‘’I could perform an autopsy on zhe body… To find out if zhe axe wound to the head is post-mortem. And of course check Pyro’s medical records.’’

‘’Why check the blimmin’ records if the evidence is in front of yer stupid eyes?’’ Tavish slurred.

‘’I have a suspicion.’’ Ludwig replied.

*******

He could hardly bear looking at the firefly. He could feel only guilt. If he had gone to his room immediately after dinner, he may have been able to prevent the murder. There had been no signs of a struggle, indicating the killer had surprised the redhead or worse yet, Pyro had trusted them. He had suspected nothing until the moment he had been promptly hacked up with an axe.

**‘BLU’**

All evidence indicated that it had been a member of BLU team, yet it couldn’t have been. Misha had no gripes with the firefly, nor did Spy. Tavish was too drunk to have killed him effectively.

He and Dell had been friends. There was trust in that relationship.

The autopsy showed that the axe wound was post mortem, making it likely that Pyro wrote ‘BLU’ in blood as a hint to who killed him.

Dell had furiously denied the idea that the blow with the blade of the axe had been after death. He thought a little deeper. The engineer had no motivation to kill his friend, nor had he killed outside of the battlefield before. Not to mention, this killer had been deliberate. He was skilled with close range weaponry – Dell was not. He was a clumsy swing at best.

His team thought he had done it. All evidence was pointed to him in a sense. In the perspective of BLU, he had killed Pyro because the firefly was trying to prove he was betraying them. Ludwig knew better.

This had been a revenge kill. The RED medic had killed the firefly the same way he had been killed on the battlefield. But it had been far more deliberate – he had considered how he would murder Pyro and executed it brutally. First, Günter had cut up the redhead’s limbs to render them unusable. Then he had hacked vital areas to promote blood loss. And finally, had let him bleed out and then smashed the fire axe into his head as a statement.

In that reconstruction, a piece was missing. Why would Pyro write out ‘BLU’ instead of ‘RED’? And why would Günter allow him to write out possibly incriminating evidence?

Ludwig thought the answer could be in the redhead’s medical file. He browsed drawers and compartments until he found it. Compared to the rest of those in BLU, it was extremely barren. It detailed his weight and height, a brief medical history and a few conditions but little else. Apparently he had heart arrhythmia, several burns, a speech impediment and hyperopia.

Little of that could be problematic for discerning colours. He thought a little harder and it clicked. The killer had been depending on his blurry vision, so that he would **only** see the colours and not their face. Pyro would not have seen Günter properly due to his close proximity. Rather, just the colours he was wearing and a vague idea of who the assailant was. His face would have been blurred quite badly in the eyes of the firefly. Günter knew of his poor eyesight and had exploited it .

He had used Ludwig’s likeness.

Pyro had died thinking that he had killed him. Ludwig felt the weight of that thought sink in. It made his stomach churn and his heart heavy. Günter had done this on purpose. He wanted his team to hate him. He wanted him to feel guilty for a crime he didn’t commit.

And he wanted Ludwig to be angry.

Of course his team couldn’t trust him, not when all of the evidence pointed to him as a killer. Ludwig felt a new resolve burn within him.

He had to prove his innocence.

*******

When Günter returned to RED base, he found Jeremy and Jane already waiting for him at the gates. The Bostonian raised his bat when he saw him and Jane cocked his shotgun.

He groaned at their idiocy. ‘’It’s me, _dummkopfs_.’’ He snarled. ‘’I know the apparel is confusing for those without minds, or a helmet over their eyes but perhaps think for a moment to consider who you are pointing a firearm at.’’

‘’WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN BLU UNIFORM?’’ Jane asked. ‘’IT IS A BREACH OF—‘’

‘’Quiet.’’ He snapped. ‘’I have my reasons.’’

Scout spat on the ground in an attempt to look tough. ‘’Oh yeah, yeah. I bet one of ‘em is seein’ one of your boyfriends.’’

‘’No, I was impersonating the BLU medic to gather intel.’’ He removed the bandages from around his throat and attempted to sweep his hair back into place, now that he was where he was supposed to be. ‘’From what I could gather, the BLU team is not in good straits… There is conflict from within. And I thought it wise to exploit that.’’

‘’HOW?’’ Jane said, yelling as always.

‘’I suppose you will find out.’’ He replied and pushed past them.

‘’We aint done with you!’’ The scout yelled, chasing after him.

Günter discarded the gloves on the way and loosened the tie. ‘’I don’t care if you are done or not. I wish to shower.’’ He gestured to the bloodied uniform he wore. When the Bostonian kept his pursuit, he stopped at the door of the shower block. ‘’Jeremy. Why on Earth are you following me to the showers? Isn’t that a little… Peculiar? Perhaps you would like to shower with me, hmm?’’ He let his voice drop. ‘’I didn’t think you were the type, Jeremy.’’ He taunted. It felt good to use the Bostonian’s fear against him.

‘’Shut your trap.‘’ Jeremy replied, tapping his foot impatiently on the ground. You know what else is fuckin’ ‘peculiar’? You got blood all over yourself, doc. I don’t think you were just gettin’ intel.’’

‘’You are correct there.’’ He replied and opened the door. ‘’So, are you showering with me? Seeing as you followed me all this way, you may as well.’’

‘’No way, chucklenuts.’’ The scout crossed his arms as well, as a firm ‘no’.

He shrugged his shoulders and left to cleanse himself of the RED pyro’s blood.

*******

‘’The autopsy proves zhat Pyro could have written the vord in his blood.’’ He said to his team. ‘’But before all of you accuse me. I vanted to run somesing by you.’’ He retrieved Pyro’s folder and displayed it to the team. ‘’Pyro was far sighted, therefore he vould not have been able to see his attacker’s face from close proximity, only the colours zhey vere vearing. Vhen I looked at zhe scene, I noticed no signs of a struggle, indicating that Pyro had not fought the attacker and had likely trusted them.’’

‘’You do know how you sound, don’t you, Ludwig?’’ Spy said. ‘’It’s almost like you’re accusing yourself.’’

He didn’t let Spy’s words distract him. ‘’Hush. I am getting to it. The killer vas deliberate. He had planned and considered how he vould execute zhe murder. I considered Dell as a potential suspect, but decided zhat he vould have no motifation to murder a friend. Nor do zhe rest of you.’’

‘’But you do.’’ Dell cut in. ‘’Pyro was accusin’ you at supper.’’ He seemed a little annoyed to have been put in the spotlight.

Ludwig nodded. ‘’He vas. But I do not hold it against him. I would never go as far as to murder him for speaking against me. So vis all of us ruled out as suspects, it leaves only members of zhe RED team. In my mind, zhe killer impersonated one of us by dressing in zheir uniform. Note zhat zhis killer vould have looked quite like zhe class zhey vere impersonating, perhaps zhey could even talk like zhat class. Zhey entered Pyro’s room… maybe Pyro even opened zhe door for zhem. Zhen, zhe murderer attacked Pyro’s limbs vis zhe axe to immobilise him and limit his ability to fight back. Once Pyro vas helpless, he attacked vital areas to promote heavy blood loss. Zhis killer vatched Pyro write out zhe vord ‘BLU’, as it vould mislead us. Finally, he put zhe axe in the victim’s skull.’’ He said it flatly, as if he were reciting it on paper. ‘’And zhat leaves us vis our final suspects. Our killer hated our dear Pyro and is skilled vis melee veaponry. In my mind, it leaves zhe RED scout, sniper and medic. But I think zhat zhe RED medic did zhis, as he had a clear motivation.’’

Misha rubbed his temples. ‘’What is motivation?’’

‘’Vhen I vas trying to capture zhe point just yesterday, Günter went to kill me, but vas interrupted by zhe Pyro, who coincidentally caved his skull vis a fire axe. As you know, Pyro had an axe in his skull.’’ He paused and took a breath. His heart had raced just thinking of the event. ‘’Zhis vas a revenge kill. Pyro had hurt zhe killer’s ego and he vanted to repair zhe damage – by killing Pyro brutally.’’ He said. ‘’And ve know zhat Günter has killed outside of zhe battlefield before.’’

‘’Lad… You’re sayin’ that the RED medic impersonated you, snuck into our base, went to see Pyro – and Pyro had no clue that this was a member of the RED team – and he hacked his brains out just because Pyro stopped him from killin’ you? It’s bloody petty, innit? There’s a hole in your story, boyo.’’

‘’I neglected to mention his other motivation.’’ He took a deep breath. He knew this would spark outrage and confusion. ‘’ _Schadenfreude…_ The sadistic pleasure from hurting others. It is somesing that the RED medic craves and he did not get his fix on zhe battlefield because of Pyro.’’

‘’This is soundin’ like a porkie, lad.’’ Tavish huffed.

Spy held his head in his hands. ‘’This is ridiculous! How do you know this?’’

Misha looked into his eyes and nodded. He decided to speak up. ‘’I can testify to this. When doktor on our team, he always tell me of feeling he get when killing leetle men. He wanted me to help him get feeling… I did not want to betray his trust by talking about secret… But I feel is important for the sake of team. He killed many time to get nice feeling. Even when respawn is off.’’

‘’Did… Did you help him, Misha?’’ Ludwig asked. Misha merely stared back at him without a response. ‘’Er. Zhat is beside zhe point. Günter is our killer. It’s the only logical explanation.’’

‘’You are also a suspect.’’ Spy said. ‘’Even with the poor eyesight story, it doesn’t mean that the RED medic impersonated you at all. It is convenient because it gives you an excuse to pin it on your RED counterpart. It’s entirely possible that you went and killed Pyro and he merely wrote what he saw; ‘BLU’.’’ The spy spun his knife in his hand. ‘’Not to mention you have the motivation to have killed Pyro. He badmouthed you and thus you wanted to purify your image.’’

‘’By committing murder?’’ This was preposterous. Why was Spy so inclined not to believe him, but rather to trust the RED medic?

‘’Yes. It removes an individual that could harm your reputation in the future. The only thing you had to do was to get away with the murder by pinning it on Günter.’’

Dell shook his head. ‘’I don’t know what to say, boys. This has gotten outta hand.’’ The engineer looked to him, then to Spy. ‘’Maybe a vote could settle this. Those who think the RED sawbones is guilty, raise your hand.’’ Ludwig enthusiastically raised his hand, Misha raised his too. Leaving Spy and Tavish. They didn’t believe him, despite the evidence. ‘’Ah… That solves nothin’. We’re split down the middle… I do believe ya, Ludwig. I just aint sure.’’ He reassured.

Ludwig held his head in his hands. In his mind, his RED counterpart had won. He had successfully pinned the murder on Ludwig, divided the BLU team and gotten away with all of his crimes. The team left him alone and returned to their quarters as if nothing had happened at all. Misha went to retrieve the body for disposal.

The only one who had believed in him was Misha.

Even the engineer doubted him. And he was passive in nature.

Ludwig felt the tears roll down his cheeks. They were still warm when they dripped down his chin. He was an ugly crier and it was difficult to hide, even when hours had passed. His team doubted him, a teammate died believing he had killed them and Günter was tearing him apart, piece by piece. He smashed his fist against the wall, over and over until he couldn’t feel it anymore.

The resolve that had burned within fizzled out into despair and anger.


	5. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just can't resist dream sequences I'm sorry

_The door to the metal cage flew open with great force. The wolf rose from its slumber and left its prison. It clawed the muzzle off its snout with a paw and ran out into the field. It sniffed the air. It picked up the herby smell of grass and trees, but it also detected up the slightly sweet smell of sweat, fur and meat._

_A rabbit was nearby._

_The wolf began to skulk and it followed the trail. Small paws had made indents in the grass and it followed those too. The wolf found its prey grazing on an overgrown patch of clover. It sighed as the smell became overpoweringly seductive. It promised blood and the pleasure killing brought._

_It promised the Schadenfreude the wolf had craved for far too long._

_Carefully, it approached its prey. It was light on its feet to minimalize noise and it salivated more and more the closer it got to the rabbit until it was dripping from its fangs._

_It bit down on the rabbit’s torso and held it between his teeth. It wanted to toy with its prey to make the death more fulfilling._

_The rabbit squirmed between his teeth ‘’Who let you out, herr volf?’’ It cried._

_‘’ **He** did.’’ The wolf growled. _

_‘’But vhy?’’ It squealed. ‘’You’re… dangerous.’’_

_‘’ **He** must vant ‘dangerous’.’’ He tightened his grip on the rabbit. ‘’Now… please rest up for a vhile, little hare… take a vacation… relax…’’ Then threw it to the ground with a thud, knocking it out cold._


	6. Dangerous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet.  
> ...Actually not so sweet.

‘’Mission begins in thirty seconds.’’ The administrator ‘s voice boomed. Ludwig barely heard it over his thumping heart. He could feel his eyes jittering and darting from place to place. He could barely focus. As the medigun charged fully, he did not hear the crackle or feel the energy radiating from it. He was absent. Somewhere else. He couldn’t stand the thought of dying – even if it was temporary.

Dell woke him from his trance by waving a gloved hand in front of his face. ‘’Are you alright there, fella? You don’t look so good.’’

‘’I’m fine.’’ He replied quickly. He hadn’t slept properly in days and he figured it was taking a toll on his mental state.

‘’Ten… Nine… Eight…’’ Ludwig bit his lip and looked to Misha. He revved up Sacha and stared at the gates. Their eyes met for a moment. Misha had no words today. ‘’Begin!’’ The gates opened. Like clockwork, a sniper’s bullet went through Misha’s skull and a rocket blew Dell into pieces. It was synchronised and planned.

Ludwig ran to Tavish and fixed the beam of the medigun on him. As they left the gates, he activated the charge and blue invulnerability covered their skin, protecting them from bullets and rockets alike. The demoman blew the RED soldier to bits with a well-timed stickybomb. His medic retreated. Ludwig sighed in relief. With a few pills, he rooted out the sniper. The bushman paused on his retreat to look down his scope and he fired a bullet through the Scot’s forehead. A pill blew up from underneath the Australian and removed his legs, rendering him useless.

Ludwig was suddenly alone. He didn’t have long to think, as the RED scout was in his face. ‘’I’m runnin’ circles around ya!’’ He laughed, holding up his bat. Instinctually, Ludwig swung his fist and to his surprise it connected. He felt the impact on his hand and on the Bostonian’s face. His heart raced and he felt the heat rush to his cheeks. The scout slammed the bat into his shoulder.

The impact was dulled under the adrenaline he felt. He grabbed the boy’s collar and threw him to the ground with surprising strength. Ludwig tossed his glasses to the side and kicked him down before pouncing on him. The smaller man was stuck under him and could do nothing but take the hits to the face he was dishing out. Ludwig swung his fists over and over and all he could imagine was hitting Günter. He dreamt of smashing his spectacles, bloodying his lip and marking him with bruises. The idea was enough to make him smile. He slammed his fist into the boy’s teeth, hoping to force some out. His lip split and blood pooled from the wound. It felt like heaven to damage and hurt, as if he were built to do it. Even his bare hands could hurt more than a weapon. Ludwig grabbed his throat and squeezed. He didn’t even stop when the man was dead. It all faded into fuzzy and warm feelings that he couldn’t place. He couldn’t breathe and his heart thundered in his ears. The world was drowned out by the sound and nothing else mattered. He could feel his teeth gnashing together in a grin and his eyes wide – fully aware. He felt alive. So alive that it was uncomfortable. But he loved every moment of this awareness. It was bliss. It was--

A heavy hand pulled him away from it all. As the haze wore away, he looked to his victim.

He saw the RED scout.

Not a murderer.

He blinked rapidly, desperately trying to wake himself up. He could hear himself breathing – but did not feel it.

‘’Doktor is... not well.’’ Misha said. Ludwig looked to the gloves on his hands, they weren’t blue anymore, rather a stark red. ‘’Relax. Breathe slow.’’ Misha gently placed his glasses back onto his nose after wiping the dust off of them.

‘ _’_ _I-I-Ich tötete ihn_.’’ He muttered, doing the opposite of what Misha asked. He was hyperventilating instead, with breaths so rapid that he couldn’t get air into his lungs properly. ‘’I-I-I… k-killed…’’ He sobbed as he stammered, unable to speak. When the body vanished for respawn. He knew it for certain. Ludwig had killed a man with his bare hands without a trace of remorse. He felt dirty and not quite human anymore. He had been like an animal, a savage without any sense of mercy or love.

‘’Do not dwell on fact. Is battlefield. Come with me to capture point.’’ Misha attempted to ease him.

The rest of the match, Ludwig could barely hold the medigun with his jittering hands. Nor could he focus. All he could see was the blood on his hands. He could feel some on his face, where it had splashed on impact. His hands ached, they would bruise for sure.

Worst of all, his mouth hurt from smiling.

As much as the BLU team put up a fight, the loss of a member had severely affected their strength as a team. No matter how many backs were stabbed, shot into dust by a sentry, torn apart by Sasha or blown to pieces by Tavish, they were always falling back, retreating and effectively losing.

‘’Ten seconds remaining.’’ Finally, it was all over. By then, Ludwig was ready to roll over and sleep. He was sick of being awake and just wanted to leave.

The BLU team returned to base with solemn looks on their faces and a not-so delicate reminder of Pyro’s absence.


	7. Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Internal screaming intensifies*

_The rabbit stirred from its forced nap and stretched out with a yawn. Its head pounded and it nearly fumbled when it stood up. It felt something warm trickling down its face and when it pawed at it, its paw became red rather than a snowy white._

_It looked up and saw the unrecognisable carcass of an animal. The hare couldn’t recognise a single part of it, as it had been ripped apart by the wolf’s teeth. Its eyes were dead and its body limp. The rabbit couldn’t bear to look. ‘’Oh volf… vhat have you done?’’_

_The wolf spoke from behind the hare. ‘‘Vhat vas necessary.’’ It turned to face the hound. It was horrified by the blood on its teeth. The rabbit looked down on itself and saw the tattered flesh and fur on its body as well. It too, was covered in carnage._

_The rabbit felt salty tears pouring from its eyes. It was angry, yet so miserable. ‘’Look vhat you’ve done to us, volf! Someone has **died** because of you!’’ _

_The wolf snarled. ‘’It vas vhat **he** vanted!’’_


	8. Art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boi this one's a long one
> 
> also nsfw chapter so be careful ok?

Günter welcomed himself into Ludwig’s room. Again, he had left the door unlocked, it was proving to be a helpful habit – at least for himself. Not so much for Ludwig. He paused in the darkness and slowly closed it behind him, reducing the sound of it clicking shut. When he listened closely, he could hear quiet sniffles and choked breaths.

Crying.

He felt awkward for a moment. He pondered leaving but figured he had gone too far just to leave. Instead, he stepped towards the bed and sat beside Ludwig. Still, his back was turned, despite being awake. ‘’ _Geh weg,_ Günter _. Ich will dich nicht hier haben.’’_ The BLU medic hissed.

He ignored the BLU medic’s demands. ‘’I understand what you felt, Ludwig.’’ He said softly. ‘’And you’re not upset that you killed someone, but rather, you’re upset because you… enjoyed it.’’ He ran a gentle hand through the younger man’s hair.

‘’ _Hör auf._ ’’ He growled.

‘’I watched you kill him… It was absolutely mesmerising.’’ He leaned close to the younger man’s ear and whispered. ‘ _’Sie haben ein schönes Lächeln._ ’’ Still, he didn’t turn to face him. Again, he ran his fingers through the doctor’s hair, feeling every strand. Günter hoped it was working to soothe him, rather than the opposite. ‘’It’s alright.’’ He said gently, attempting to help. ‘’It will all fall into place soon and while things will be different… it will be better. You will adapt, Ludwig.’’

‘’ _Lass mich alleine._ ’’ He grumbled.

‘’Don’t you want to talk about it? I’m the only one who understands what you felt. You know that… and that is why you haven’t confided in your team.’’

That struck a nerve. ‘’I hafen’t talked to zhem because zhey all think I killed Pyro!’’ He snarled. ‘’And you know you did it. You impersonated me for f-fuck’s sake.’’

‘’Swearing at me now? I suppose it’s better than keeping the anger in. You can hate me if you want to. I don’t mind.’’ He felt a smile on his lips. There was something satisfying about hearing his fury. He wanted Ludwig to hate him. It was part of the fun, really. He wanted to watch him break and know with pride that he brought the man to the brink. ‘’But yes, I did impersonate you.’’

Ludwig turned over to face him, his weary eyes locked with his and he caught a glint of raw, pure hatred in his gaze. ‘’Pyro died thinking zhat… zhat I-I-I killed him.’’

‘’Of course he did. That was my intention.’’ He watched as the BLU medic’s frown turned to a snarl. He was anticipating a smack to the face, to be strangled or kicked, but he did nothing at all. ‘’Don’t you want to hurt me?’’

Ludwig slumped and sighed. ‘’I just know there is no point in stooping to your level of violence. I hate vhat you have done to me. You made me do somesing unspeakable… And you make me want to do terrible things. ’’

‘’I didn’t make you do anything. You chose to beat the scout’s head in. It was of your own volition. I had no say in what you did.’’ He had to stop himself from smiling. He was lying.

Ludwig grit his teeth, before letting it go. He did not want to be angry, and yet he couldn’t help himself. ‘‘I know exactly vhat you’re doing to me. You’re trying to break me.’’ His voice was raspy from crying. ‘’I’m not going to break. Not because of you.’’ Suddenly, Ludwig had fight in him, a sort of desperate last stand. It wouldn’t survive long.

He laughed rudely. ‘’But you are breaking, Ludwig. Look at yourself. You’re not sleeping, barely eating… not fighting… You’re barely even alive.‘’ He teased. ‘’Oh, Ludwig… All I saw today was a broken man. You acted upon a deep, malicious desire… and enjoyed it so much that the shame overwhelmed you. All I have to do is look at you to see the pain you feel and the conflict that resides within you. You want to do it again. And preferably, you want to do it to me… But something inside believes that feeling was wrong and that you should never hurt another like that again.’’ Ludwig said nothing. Instead, he stared blankly. ‘’I see how it is. You don’t want to tell me that I’m right… but you know I am.’’

‘ _’Geh raus.’’_ Ludwig hissed. He sat up quickly and shoved him. The gesture hurt more than the actual force he applied. ‘’ _Gehen!_ ’’ He snapped his fingers too, as if he was growling at an animal. Günter stood up and backed away from the BLU medic. The younger man pointed at him. ‘’Do not touch me again, do not talk about my smile, don’t think zhat you understand me and don’t assume zhat you know vhat I feel!’’ He snarled. ‘’Now get out. You aren’t velcome here. You never vere.’’

Günter retaliated, playing his part. ‘’I can hurt you, Ludwig.’’

Ludwig began to back him into the door. ‘’You can’t. You’re too proud of vhat you’ve created.’’ He retorted. His words were bitter and hateful, but unfortunately, they were true. ‘’Do you need me to get zhe door for you?’’ He said in a way that was so hateful and demeaning, it even got through his thick skin. The BLU doctor opened the door and shoved him out. Günter nearly tripped over his own feet but managed to hold his footing.

He heard the click of a lock behind him.

*******

‘’Spy, could you do me a favour?’’ Ludwig did his best to maintain politeness and a kind smile. ‘’If you are feeling up to it… vould you mind retrieving the RED medic’s journal?’’ He made a conscious effort not to make it sound personal, but as indifferent and formal as possible, despite his frustrations with the spy.

‘’How does this benefit me?’’ Spy folded his arms and stared him down. He was frowning and clearly sceptical.

Ludwig chewed his lip. ‘’I have a feeling it might give us zhe answers ve need. No… more zhan a feeling. I know for certain.’’

‘’Hm. I can do that for you… If you can pay me.’’ He made a beckoning motion with his hand, asking for money. Ludwig sighed and fumbled for his wallet. He pulled out a twenty and handed it over. Still, his greedy hand beckoned for some more. Ludwig reluctantly added a fiver. ‘’Thank you, _mon ami._ ’’

*******

Spy kicked the door in. He disguised himself as the RED soldier and walked right in in the fashion the soldier would. The RED medic was at his desk, leaning over something with a pencil in hand. Spy figured that he was drawing.

‘’WHAT ARE YOU DOING?’’ Spy had to growl the words out and yell simultaneously as if they were filled to the brim with testosterone.

He didn’t bother to turn around. It was a cold gesture. ‘’I am drawing, Jane.’’ He remarked, the irritation slipping into his tone as if he was speaking to a kid. ‘’Is this another room inspection or are you going to leave now?’’

‘’YES. THIS IS A ROOM INSPECTION.’’ He said, now given an excuse to be in here.

Günter finally turned around. He dusted the graphite from his hands and stood up. ‘’You know, Jane doesn’t do room inspections. He may be stiff and controlling, but not to that extent. I was curious if you would take the lie, _herr_ Spy.’’ Spy felt his heart kick up and he reached for his knife. ‘’I knew it was you the moment you walked in! Perhaps if you quit smoking, you wouldn’t reek of nicotine and you would have the lung capacity to scream like a proud American.’’ Günter sat on his desk casually, a smile now on his lips. ‘’But, there’s no need to worry. I don’t intend on harming you. I’m quite glad you stopped by, actually.’’ Günter closed the book he was drawing in and handed it to him. ‘’I want you to give this to Ludwig. Take it as a thank you for giving me something to laugh about.’’

Spy hesitated. ‘’Why are you giving it away?’’

‘’Because… I know Ludwig wants it. And I enjoy being helpful. No doubt he tasked you with retrieving it, so I’m giving it to you to make life just a little easier.’’

Spy stared at him, sceptical. ‘’I doubt that you want to make my life easier.’’

‘’You caught me.’’ The RED medic raised his hands, almost like a surrender. ‘’It’s quite the opposite, in actuality. I envy you. I wish I could see Ludwig’s reaction… But I can’t. Do tell me what he thinks, if you can.’’ Spy took the hardcover book and held it close. ‘’There we are. Take good care of it, won’t you?’’ Spy backed away and returned to BLU base.

*******

Günter took a detour to the BLU base once the spy left. He was careful to wear clothing that wasn’t coloured, so that the other team wouldn’t second guess him. If he was quick, nobody would even see him.

He couldn’t wait. It was such a simple act and yet, it excited him to no end. He wouldn’t witness the results directly, but he would see the impact on Ludwig. That was enough for him. He adjusted his posture to be less confident. He slouched a little and looked towards the ground to appear meek, like Ludwig. At first glance he could be mistaken for the man. He was passable and that was all he needed to get in.

The first test was the demoman. He was perched on the doorstep of his quarters, looking to the stars with a bottle in hand. Günter walked past him without any sort of questioning. Success. Günter was glad that the spy’s room was around the corner and virtually out of the Scot’s sight.

He turned the door handle and realised it was unlocked. It was a careless mistake, particularly for a spy. Perhaps the Frenchman was foolish enough to think his teammates wouldn’t dare. He entered casually, as if it was his own room. Upon stepping foot in the room, the scent of stale cigarettes hit him. It was sickening and he had to resist the impulse to open a window. It didn’t take long for him to find what he was looking for.

A bottle of pills on the bedside.

He pocketed it and replaced it with his own medicine.

*******

‘’You may want to be alone for this, _mon ami._ ’’ Spy said. ‘’It is quite… uncomfortable.’’ Spy handed Ludwig the book. His eyes were sombre and he couldn’t make eye contact, which was unusual.

‘’ _Danke._ Vas it easy to get?’’ Ludwig asked. Nothing was ever easy with the RED medic.

‘’He wasn’t in his room, so I just snatched it off his desk.’’ Spy remarked. ‘’Prepare yourself.’’ He waved goodbye and promptly vanished. Ludwig could feel his heart in his throat. He wasn’t quite sure of why he was so nervous. He felt warm all over, as if he was excited as well. He knew he was opening Pandora ’s Box, but he wanted so desperately to see what was inside the book. It could answer everything.

Ludwig closed the door of his quarters and sat on his bed. He found the softness to be comforting. He unclipped the latch and opened to the first page. It was merely media testing, with little scribbles of pencil of varying types. The second was a sketch of Günter in front of the mirror, drawing himself as he was drawing For a sketch, it was quite impressive – with remarkable detail regarding texture, anatomy and facial features. A date was on the bottom. Months ago, it seemed. Perhaps he was a part of the BLU team then.

The next one was of Misha, just of him reading a book with reading glasses too small for his face. There were a few drawings of the Russian, all portraying him as a gentle giant. In one, Günter had even captured a rare smile. It appeared to be a genuine, toothy smile. He saw an unfinished sketch of the team at the dinner table. He recognised Dell, Tavish, Pyro, Spy and Misha even in the rough shapes. The next drawing was filled out. A portrait of Dell. Günter had flattered his features, by thinning his pudgy cheeks a touch and filling his lips more. Messy writing covered the bottom corner under the date. It was a journal after all.

‘When I asked Dell to help rid me of the accent, he laughed. Even so, we spent about an hour talking. He corrected me with almost every second word. I hope it will get easier.’ The engineer had never mentioned this. But the scenario alone made Ludwig smile. The next page was of an unknown woman, her face was crossed out and her body was unfinished. The notes at the bottom read;

‘I haven’t seen a girl in months. I can’t draw them anymore. I should know better than to draw from the imagination. I’m in dire need of a live model… She looks like a man!’’ Looking closer, Ludwig could see it. The face was too sharp to be a woman’s and something about her was not quite right. The hips weren’t curved and the body was flat.

The next page detailed just his desk and the window, with rain droplets on the glass. It was pretty.

‘It rained briefly today, which shocked us all. It never rains here.’

The next drawing was something else entirely. It was in full detail, which made the other drawings seem pitiful in comparison. Colour had been used. A RED soldier was impaled against a wall by several pieces of weaponry, including machetes, knives, ubersaws, axes and a single shovel in his chest. It had likely been the solly’s own shovel. His gaping mouth was captured as if it had been a photograph. His dead eyes were even more realistic. The image left an awful taste in his mouth. There was a date, but no caption.

He turned to the next page, a few more sketches littered it. A pretty drawing of Dell by a fire with his guitar filled out the paper. He adored the look of the fire, it appeared almost alive even in graphite. On the next page, Pyro was sat down, holding his cheeks and admiring the flames. The light was reflected in the lenses of his mask. Next, the Spy was portrayed smoking a cigarette. Ludwig flipped through the sketches until he found something of note.

The same trend applied. The drawing was fully detailed and coloured. The RED scout was pinned to the operating table, with needles in his hands and all over his body. There were even syringes in his eyes, dark blood had dribbled down to his cheeks, as if he was crying. The graphite drew attention to his freckles and moles. His lips had been forced into a smile with clamps. This one seemed to be humiliation. No wonder the scout had beaten Ludwig’s head in. This one had occurred several weeks after the Soldier’s death. There was a caption.

‘I hate him.’ Short and sweet - or bitter – but it got the point across.

After, Günter had drawn a fox. He noted the blood on its fangs and the bloody pawprints it left on the page. It had been drawn simplistically, as if Günter had been in a rush. The handwriting was messy. ‘I had a peculiar dream. Sleepy drawings are not so good.’

He flicked forward, this time skipping the sketches.

This time, it was the sniper. He had been cut open, with his organs displayed openly. Each one was in disturbing detail. He could see the heart as if it was still beating. A dim medigun beam surrounded the bushman – indicating it was on a low healing mode. The man in this drawing wasn’t dead. His eyes were very much alive. Lights had been rigged up around the sniper to illuminate him. The artist had a vision and executed it. He noticed writing on the corner of the page _._

_Er ist wunderschön._

_(He is beautiful.)_

The phrasing made him feel sick to his stomach. It wasn’t hated, rather a peculiar form of admiration. The bushman’s hatred for him made sense now.

He became more impatient and skipped the numerous drawings that did not catch his eye.

He came across a drawing of the RED heavy. It was just like the scene he had walked in on, minus the rot and decay. The garland made the Russian appear angelic and how he was raised from the ground added to that image. To his surprise, the man’s arms were outstretched and in his limp arms, he held his massive heart.

That imagery differed from the scene he had seen. The date was in line with the age of the corpse – a few weeks before his arrival. He read the caption.

‘I like this one. I needed help rigging him up, but he is quite a good model regardless.’ There was another sketch before the recent drawings. It was of Misha – a frown was on his lips and his eyes seemed to be teary. On the bottom of the page it read;

‘I told Misha about the deal Redmond offered me. I couldn’t get his face out of my head.’

Ludwig took a breath. He wondered how much worse it could get. He wondered what Spy had seen and yet he didn’t want to know. A part of him was curious, however. And he kept going. The first page was of Ludwig – a quick sketch it seemed. It was slightly off and his face hadn’t been captured correctly. It was drawn just a little while ago, when he had met Günter for the first time. Now, the entries at the bottom intrigued him.

‘I met the BLU medic. I did not get a strong first impression.’

The next was a crude drawing of the RED scout on a pike with blood pooling from a simplistic line that served as a mouth and the soldier with a sword in his chest. He laughed at the caption. ‘I HATE THEM.’ It was a scrawl, likely done during a designated time where they were forced to spend time together.

The next one got his attention. Not because it was funny or nice to look at. Rather, it was frightening. He was pictured from the chest up, seemingly on the ground. The slit on his neck was fresh. As a stylistic choice, the RED doctor had coloured only the blood and his eyes in. It had dripped from his throat down to his chest. His face had been perfected and when he looked in his mirror and to the drawing, he could see no difference in the features. Ludwig was drawn to be gritting his teeth and with wide eyes. It was as if Günter had taken a photograph of the capture point on that day. It was an exact, perfect replica.

‘It was different with him. I can’t get the thought of finishing him off out of my mind, even while I sit at this desk. I can see it so vividly and I want it so badly. This will do as a surrogate.’

Ludwig turned the page. This one featured a fox with a rabbit in his mouth. Behind the fox, stood a woodsman. Coincidentally, he held an axe.

He nearly threw the book against the wall when he saw the next drawing. Ludwig was featured, this time in a far less realistic manner. It was a full body artwork – if he could call it that – of him sitting on the operating table. His hands were raised and his back arched in a stretching motion. He had been drawn in the nude… with the exception of his boots. Thankfully, his legs had been folded over each other to hide everything. It was highly eroticised. He had been given a figure that was more effeminate than in reality, with slight curves and a more flexible body. He had been pictured with pert nipples and positioned in such a way it was almost like a pinup poster. He sought an explanation.

‘I had a dream about him.’ Was all it said. Ludwig sighed and rubbed his temples. He had considered the possibility that Günter was an ‘old fruit’ but he had never fully accepted the idea. But the evidence was there before his eyes. Was he attracted to men, or just to him?

There was another one of Ludwig after that. This one seemed to be from Günter’s perspective. His hands were wrapped around Ludwig’s throat. He had captured the desperation of the moment perfectly – His eyes were wide and teary and his teeth were bared. The wound on his neck was bleeding all over the hands on his throat. He still remembered that night vividly and the sensation of choking even more so. The caption surprised him.

‘I couldn’t bring myself to do it, as much as I wanted to.’ It said. Ludwig had the impression that he had overpowered the RED medic that night, but the phrasing implied that he had let go, or had let him tear his hands away.

The next page infuriated him. It was less detailed then the rest, but it still aggravated him. It showed Pyro, exactly as he had been murdered. There were no embellishments and it was just a photograph of graphite. Ludwig was tempted to tear it out and yet he couldn’t bear to do so.

‘I did not have a lot of time to perfect it, but it will do.’ The handwriting was sloppy. It made Ludwig so angry to think that Günter took the time to memorialise the moment as if he was proud of it.

Ludwig reluctantly turned to the next drawing. Again, it featured a fox. This time, it was mauling the gloved arm of a dead woodsman – Pyro. He had been drawn this time wearing a mask. In the background, he could see a rabbit peering in the window. He shook his head and moved on. He found himself looking less and less closely at the drawings. The novelty of the doctor’s art was wearing off.

The next one caught his eye. It portrayed him and the RED scout. He had been drawn with full detail, while the scout was just a blank figure. Günter had drawn his smile from that day. It was a natural smile with enthusiasm and joy. He was portrayed with messy hair and wild eyes. There was blood all over his coat, even on the tails. Ludwig had to look away.

The writing was beside the sketch, rather than below it. ‘ _Schadenfreude._ ’ Ludwig shuddered and moved on.

The last few pages were all of him and compromising at that. He couldn’t bear to look and skipped over them.

The final drawing was the worst one. Ludwig saw himself in the piece. It was fully coloured and done at such exquisite detail…! It was as if the man had recorded a real event with graphite. Again Ludwig was drawn without any clothing and clutching his chest. The handles of ubersaws stuck out from the spaces between his fingers – the blades were deep in his body. It was realistic with the exception of feathered wings protruding from him, like the wings of a bird or an angel. A red gloved hand – the tips were a dark crimson with his blood - held his chin up with the thumb on his bottom lip. It was almost considerate, perhaps even loving. He then noticed more things. He had been drawn to be blushing, with reddened cheeks and a slight, coy smile.

It was as if he was enjoying it.

He read the caption. ‘The angel falls.’

Ludwig quickly shut the book and tossed it on the ground. It was a revolting thing which fetishized him and was attuned to the RED doctor’s sickening tastes. Günter had toyed with his likeness and had made a mess of it. His blood was boiling and his teeth ground together. It was evidence. Evidence that could clear his name. It could remedy this mess.

He left to find the spy.

*******

He wasn’t in his usual smoking spot. Atypical for this time of night. Ludwig checked out the nearby dining hall and only found a lone Misha at the table, wearing reading glasses and deep in a book. He turned and instead went to the man’s quarters. He felt a strange sense of déjà vu when he saw the door hanging wide open. He felt as if he were stepping into another grave.

He felt his heart sink as he processed what he saw.

The spy was sprawled on the floor, limp and lifeless. His eyes were wide open, yet unseeing. Trails of red blood had run down his chin from his mouth. It was a ghastly image. He hadn’t died peacefully, that was for sure. It had been violent and painful. He hoped he hadn’t suffered long. There were no bullet wounds in him, or any sort of external damage, explaining the lack of a commotion or gunshots. He looked so helpless on the ground. It wasn’t right for a man as prideful as he had been.

The lack of brutality was unusual for Günter. Hell, he hadn’t even done anything pretentious with the body. In fact, it looked as if he hadn’t moved it at all. Odd. He looked around the room for any sort of sign that the RED medic had been there. He turned up nothing of note.

Perhaps Günter hadn’t been there at all. It explained the lack of wounds at least.

But it failed to explain how he did it. It was apparent that the spy had been killed from the inside. Perhaps poisoned. But as far as he was aware, the spy would not willingly ingest it. He supposed there were ways to make him do it. Slipping it into a drink or merely shoving it down his throat would have done the trick. But then again, the spy was skilled in hand-to-hand combat and was reclusive. It would have been difficult to force it into his system.

His eyes darted to the pill bottle on the bedside table.

Günter wouldn’t have forced them in at all. The spy had unknowingly taken the poison and died within minutes. He felt his stomach churn and he felt sick. A realisation dawned on him. The spy had died thinking that Ludwig had deliberately poisoned him. He wanted to scream. Now in the minds of two men, he was a murderer. He felt guilty, despite not being responsible. Günter had done this not for pleasure, but to hurt him. In a way, he was responsible. The RED medic wanted to further strain his relationship with BLU to fuck with his head and had killed a man to achieve that end.

And Ludwig had to admit that it was working. One man was untying BLU by destroying the heart of any team; the medic.

Ludwig didn’t know what to do. If he called for his teammates, they would think he was the culprit. But if he left the scene, it would practically be an admission of guilt too. He looked bad either way. Looking at those dead eyes cured his indecisiveness. It gave him clarity. He couldn’t run from this. It was right to call BLU over. It was only fair to the Frenchman.

One by one, he gathered the team to deliver the grim news. He told each person individually. They gathered in the spy’s room. They were even fewer than before, now.

‘’Shit… another one.’’ Dell mumbled. He crouched to the ground and closed the Frenchman’s eyes. ‘’Sorry, buddy.’’ He felt bad for Dell. He knew the engineer was an emotional man that cared deeply for others. Seeing deaths like this must hurt for him more than it did for everyone else.

The demoman for once was in the moment, rather than in an alcohol induced haze. ‘’It’s funny how you’re the one to find the body, lad.’’ Ludwig had been anticipating words like those, and yet, they still cut deep. ‘’So how’d he die?’’

‘’Poisoning. I believe his medications were swapped vis a potent poison. It… killed him in minutes, I think.’’ He knew how bad it sounded. He had been the one to prescribe those medications. The air shifted. It was tense and accusatory now, with a hint of grief.

Misha stared curiously. His arms were folded with an index tapping away at his elbow. ‘’Is not usual way of killing for RED doktor.’’ He quickly realised what that statement implied. It was even worse now. The spy had been killed outside the status quo, incriminating Ludwig as a killer. It wasn’t gruesome, nor was it artistic. It was flat out murder. To BLU, Günter was off the hook.

‘’You look mighty stressed, son.’’ Dell said, gentle eyes meeting his.

He swallowed dry. ‘’You all think I did it, don’t you?’’ His voice cracked, shattering to pieces as he spoke. He could feel their uncertain eyes on him, they didn’t trust him.

‘’It aint that, Ludwig. We just don’t know about your state of mind. I’m not sure how stable you are, son. I’m worried—‘’

‘’—I didn’t kill him!’’ He cried out.

‘’Lad, whenever someone dies, you’re right there beside the blimmin’ corpse.’’ Another accusation.

Before he knew it, bitter, angry tears were trickling down his cheeks. ‘’I didn’t do zhis. I **couldn’t** do zhis.’’ He was pleading now, with shaking hands and quivering voice. ‘’ _Du musst mir glauben_!’’

‘’Look at that… tears. He’s guilty, boyos. Look at ‘im!’’ It was too much. Far too much. The weight of it all was crushing him. It was breaking him. The tears were streaming out now. His breaths shuddered.

‘’M-Misha, please.’’ He stammered through his words.

‘’Is not usual for RED doktor. You are indeed close to body. You find him first. Doktor is also not good lately. Not leetle man anymore.’’ He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Every person in the room with him doubted him. It felt as if he couldn’t breathe. His chest had been pierced with knives and no amount of air could sustain him. He wiped his eyes, not that it did him any good. ‘’Pills are—‘’

‘’--That’s enough, Misha.’’ Dell said and patted Ludwig’s shoulder. ‘’Just relax, son. We’re gonna work this out, okay?’’ Looking at those gentle eyes, he felt a twinge of relief. He wasn’t trusted, but they might just hear him out because of Dell. ‘’Let’s start simple, yeah? When did you last give him his meds?’’

‘’A few days ago.’’ He replied weakly. ‘’It is likely zhat he took zhem daily, so I don’t know vhen exactly zhe pills vere swapped.’’

Dell was thoughtful for a moment. ‘’Did anyone see Ludwig, or his RED counterpart ‘round here?’’

‘’Coming to think of it. I did see him.’’ Tavish piped up. Impossible. He had been in his room with that disgusting journal. The man was lying. ‘’Yeah, he went in the direction of this room. I didn’t think nothin’ of it at the time.’’ He was being backed into a corner with a lie. ‘’And look at that, it’s bitten me in the arse!’’

‘’Zhat’s a lie! I vas in my room.’’ He said, desperately trying to defend himself. ‘’If you did see someone it vas zhe RED medic, not me.’’

‘’Looked a lot like you, lad.’’ He retorted.

He knew he sounded ridiculous. ‘’Ve established zhat he does zhat.’’

‘’ **Supposedly** , does that.’’

‘’Vhy can’t you trust your own teammate!?’’ He yelled in a hot flash of rage and immediately regretted lashing out. He received blank, almost frightened stares. He sighed, trying to calm himself. ‘’I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout like zhat…’’ He felt pathetic now. He was a mess, with quivering hands and rapidly shifting emotions.

‘’I think we should go.’’ Dell said to Misha and Tavish. ‘’Come on.’’ He was the first to leave and the demoman followed behind him. The Russian was the last to go. He paused on the way out and gave him a sombre glance before he walked out the door, joining the rest.

Ludwig was alone. They didn’t trust him. They didn’t want to be around him. They thought he was a killer.

And in a way, he was.

*******

Günter was going to pay for this.

Ludwig tugged on the door handle and found it to be locked. He rapped on the door and did not get a response. He knew the RED medic was inside, as he had heard the rustling of bedsheets prior. He attempted a different approach. ‘’ _Darf ich rein kommen_?’’Immediately after speaking in familiar tongue, he heard the click of the lock and the door was opened. Günter appeared almost feeble without a long coat on his shoulders. He wore only a pair of dress pants. He folded his arms to cover his bare chest.

‘’I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting you.’’ He mumbled. ‘’I was just about to fall asleep.‘’

‘’I don’t care.’’ He said it coldly and hatefully, drenching his words in venom. ‘’I saw your journal and the fucking mess you made.’’ Ludwig tossed the book by his feet, as if it were nothing. The RED medic frowned when he saw how it was treated.

‘’I was hoping you—‘’ He began. Even his voice was irritating.

‘’Shut up.’’ Ludwig barked. He was surprised when it worked. Speaking in authoritative tones were empowering. ‘’ _Du bist in mich verliebt._ ’’ He shoved the RED doctor into the wall with a thud. It caught him off guard. ‘’If you vant me, you can have me… But I have zhe control here. Understand?’’ He snarled the words. If Günter was going to be an animal, so was he. ‘’Now get on your knees.’’ Ludwig ordered. The doctor hesitated. It was then when he noticed how fast Günter was breathing. He placed two fingers on his neck and felt his pulse. That too, was rapid. He was frightened, perhaps even terrified. Infuriated with the delay, Ludwig gripped him by the forehead and slammed his head into the wall. ‘’Now.’’ He growled. He watched the man’s lip quiver and he submitted on his knees. His eyes were pleading and merciful. Ludwig liked it. The begging looks became fear when he unzipped his fly and freed his cock. ‘’Say ‘ah’.’’ He said it playfully, almost jokingly. He only received a worried look, so Ludwig slapped him. Hard.

‘’Ah.’’ Günter said, with an underlying cockiness in his voice. The red mark on his face brought gratification. Still, he did nothing. He was delaying the inevitable and that irritated him. It couldn’t be helped, he was likely hoping his team would barge in and rescue him.

With the bunch he was with, that was unlikely.

Ludwig could only feel the power in his veins. There was no pity in his heart. Günter was going to get exactly what he wanted and more. ‘’You know vhat to do now. Go on.’’ Ludwig encouraged him by ruffling his hair. He smiled as he felt warmth around his penis. He looked down to watch, it was amusing as theatre, to see Günter down to this level, on the ground and submissive to him. He was too frightened to fight back. He chewed his lip as the RED medic applied pressure by sucking, the sensation brought heat to his body and he moaned softly. He gripped the older man’s hair and forced his head back and forth until he did it for himself. ‘’Zhat’s it…’’ He muttered. He revelled in torturing the RED medic, he knew this wasn’t what he wanted. He had wanted it the other way around. But for Ludwig, this arrangement was far better. He could feel his erection building and he wanted more. For the briefest of moments, they met eye contact. He only saw a sort of smugness and haughtiness in them, like he was still prideful even whilst on his knees.

Ludwig thought to snap him out of it.

He gripped Günter’s hair and held him in place. The other hand held the wall to stabilise himself. Ludwig rolled his hips in a back and forth motion. Hearing the other whimper and whine with his movements brought a smile to his lips. He let it dip into his throat and Günter’s eyes widened. He found himself enjoying this. This was his punishment for the sickening things the other man fantasised about. The RED medic backed away and pulled away, breathing heavy. Ludwig hadn’t even realised he had been choking. ‘’You’re an animal, Ludwig.’’ He breathed.

‘’So are you.’’ He said it flatly and uncaringly. ‘’I vould fancy some tongue, vouldn’t you?’’ He asked it teasingly, veiling the threat underneath. Ludwig put the other man back into place by the hair and held his cock just by Günter’s lips. The doctor sighed and ran his tongue along his phallus before going to the tip and flicking the slit with the tip of his tongue. It sent waves of heat throughout his body and built pressure and a need for relief. It wouldn’t be long now. ‘’Good. Take it back in.’’ The older man complied and his cock was again, smothered in saliva and warmth. ‘’I didn’t anticipate that I vould enjoy zhis so much…!’’ He breathed. ‘’You know, vhen I vas pulverising zhat scout, all I could think about vas how much I vanted it to be you... How incredible it vould feel. And even hurting the scout vas good. I felt so… so powerful.’’ His icy blue eyes met his. ‘’I felt _schadenfreude.’’_ He felt even more breathless. ‘’And even now… I can feel _schadenfreude._ You’re suffering because of me. And it feels incredible. I will hurt you over and over, Günter. I like zhis arrangement. I like it a lot.’’ The pleasure was bleeding into his tone. ’’I’m going to make you suffer, I’m going to abuse you.’’ He began to laugh. ‘’And on zhe battlefield, I’m going to be killing you!’’ He chuckled heartily and grinned at Günter. ‘’You’re going to bleed for vhat you’ve done, Günter. I’ll make sure of zhat.’’ He felt his teeth lock into place in a smile and once more, he felt the warm, buzzing feelings of _schadenfreude._ It made his heart race from his state of calm and his breath hitch. It stirred beautifully with the sexual pleasure. His heartbeat pounded in his ears. He was damaging, hurting and inflicting pain, he felt human. He felt alive. He couldn’t breathe as all the pleasurable feelings melded together into a rousing flood of heat and utter bliss. He held Günter close as he climaxed. He pulled out and tucked it all away neatly, as if nothing had happened at all. ‘’Stand up.’’ He ordered. Günter rose up. ‘’Now, tell me somesing… Are you hard?’’

‘’What?’’ He seemed as if the question was outlandish.

‘’Answer zhe question.’’ He hissed.

‘’Yes.’’ Ludwig smiled. Whether it was because of confusion or if Günter had actually enjoyed it – it didn’t matter.

‘’Shameful, isn’t it?’’ Ludwig taunted. ‘’You liked it.’’

Günter stepped away, not meeting eye contact. ‘’I’m going to bed now.’’

‘’Of course you are. Sweet dreams, Günter.’’ He said mockingly. ‘’ _Gute Nacht._ ’’

Ludwig stepped out of the door and turned to walk to BLU base. He locked eyes with a passing RED scout.

The scout halted and he opened his mouth to speak.

He placed his index to his lips and left without confrontation. The RED medic would not have the same luxury. He smiled, knowing that things would not be as easy for the doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ludwig you're scaring me stop it D:


	9. Atypical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I fucking hate splitting this into chapters why did I do it  
> I'm sorry if its really awkward to read.

Günter looked down on his breakfast. He didn’t feel hunger or anything at all for it. Even the smell that typically roused him for food didn’t do a thing for him. He nibbled at it idly, more for the sake of an activity and to fit in with his team than anything else. His shoulders hurt and had bruised from colliding with the wall and an enormous purple mark had appeared on his lip. His head thundered with heavy pulses of pain. In the mirror this morning, he had seen the bags under his eyes. He hadn’t slept at all and tossed and turned throughout the night. He had seen the looks from Jeremy and Mundy. Thankfully, Jane was too deep in delusion to see scars. He didn’t even hear them speaking until Jeremy yelled at him.

‘’HEY! Are ya even listenin’ ta me?’’ He barked.

‘’No.’’ He grumbled.

‘’I was just sayin’ that I saw the BLU medic in our base last night. He came right outta your room, doc. Can ya explain that?’’

Günter said nothing. He searched his mind for a good lie. Telling the truth would humiliate him. But saying nothing at all was almost the same as an admission of guilt. Nothing came to him. Little could explain last night. And it was unlikely that his team would believe anything other than what they perceived to be what happened.

He stopped listening, even when his team bombarded him with questions. Rather, he opened his sketchbook to a new page. Today, he drew a wolf. He fluffed up its fuzzy tail and its fur. He gave it beady, jet eyes and a cute button nose. He drew it with an open mouth, snarling at the open air and displaying several rows of pointed needle-like teeth.

‘’You’re really gettin’ on my fuckin’ nerves, doc.’’ The scout snapped. He clicked his fingers in front of Günter’s face, distracting him from his work.

‘’I’m tired, Jeremy.’’ He mumbled. ‘’I can’t deal with you today.’’

‘’I’ll shut up when ya talk ta me!’’ He bounced up and down in his chair, no doubt hyper and agitated. A combination that he did not want to interact with.

Günter groaned and rubbed his temples. ‘’If you saw the BLU medic and so happened to be nearby… why didn’t you intervene?’’

‘’Intervene in what?’’

‘’…Nevermind.’’ He sighed. ‘’ _Es war wahrscheinlich zum besseren._ ’’ He mumbled under his breath.

Jane smacked his plate, causing it to clank against the table. ‘’WE ONLY SPEAK AMERICAN HERE, KRAUT.’’ He ignored the insult. He was too tired to care.

‘’What was that, doc? I can’t understand ya when you do that.’’ The Bostonian stood up and glared.

‘’You’re angry today, Jeremy. Did something happen? Another catastrophic date, maybe?’’

‘’Fuck off. I want answers, doc.’’ He hissed, walking over to him. He balled his fists like a kid.

Günter smiled, amused. The Bostonian folded his arms and waited for an answer. ‘’What do you think happened, Jeremy? I’m curious.’’

‘’Hah! You wanna know what I think? I think you slept with him. You look like a—‘’

The sniper grabbed his shoulder. It was aggressive and authoritative. ‘’That’s enough. It ain’t our business, Jeremy.’’ He growled.

‘’It is my business! For all we know, he could be helping the BLU team!’’

‘’I am not helping them.’’ He retorted flatly. He hoped to quell the flames rather than fuel them. The fire grew, despite his efforts.

‘’Bullshit.’’ The Bostonian growled. ‘’Get up, I’m gonna teach ya a lesson.’’ In protest, he remained seated and merely glared. He couldn’t bear being smacked around again.

‘’Please, Jeremy. Just let me have my breakfast. I’ve dealt with enough as of late.’’ He muttered and returned to his meal.

‘’Huh , I don’t think I’ve eva’ heard ya say please.’’ The scout said, scratching his ear like a dog.

‘’I hope I won’t have to say it again.’’ Günter mumbled.

‘’Ya know that ya didn’t answer the question, right? Did’ya sleep with him? The BLU medic, I mean.’’

‘’Of course not.’’ Technically, it was the truth. But in a way, it felt as if it were a lie. He might as well have bedded him.

‘’Then why was he in your room?’’

‘’The reason is simple. He wanted to return my journal.’’ He remarked and sipped his coffee. It didn’t help the sting in his eyes.

Even the sniper piped up. ‘’You make it sound peaceful, mate. You’re covered in bruises.’’

‘’Well yes, he did attack me. I neglected to mention that he didn’t like my artworks.’’ Technically, that wasn’t a lie either.

‘’Doktor is not telling whole truth.’’ Ivan said. Suddenly, the air of the room changed and the attention was shifted to the heavy. ‘’I heard talking. Soft, like is secret. But also loud thud and bumps.’’ When put that way, the scout’s belief made sense.

‘’I fuckin’ knew it.’’ Jeremy snarled. ‘’That’s it. I’m so sick of ya bullshit! You’re always lyin’ and doing shit you’re not suppost’a do. And you think I’m in the wrong for askin’ what you’ve been up’ta!’’ The Bostonian fetched his baseball bat from the corner of the room and raised it.

‘’Hah… I know why you carry that thing around now. I had always wondered.’’ He muttered. ‘’You’ve been anticipating this. Go ahead… I’m too tired to fight with you.’’ He raised his hands in a surrender. He knew the lack of attention or care would agitate the man more than a real fight would. All the boy wanted was the spotlight, like a spoiled child. It barely surprised him when metal collided with his shoulder. The hits moved down his arms and to his hands. It was the worst on his fingers and he knew he would not be able to draw for some time. He took the punishment. Jeremy shoved him out of his seat and he thumped against the floor on his side. He smiled at the boy and laughed. ‘’That’s all you’ve got for me? A little smack on my drawing hand?’’

‘’Shut up!’’ The scout spat indecently – that was worse than the violence and physical pain.

The soldier grabbed Jeremy’s shoulder and pulled him away. ‘’YOU ARE OUT OF LINE, SOLDIER.’’

Jeremy smacked the bat against the back of Jane’s head. It clanged against his helmet and he dropped to the ground. ‘’Anyone else wanna step int’a the ring?’’ He cooed.

He watched the bushman and Russian step away. Both were cowards, it seemed.

Next, the man beat his legs. He aimed for the crucial areas, like his knees. No doubt, it would prove difficult to walk.

Günter smiled, knowing he wouldn’t have to join the battle tomorrow.

‘’What are ya smilin’ about, doc?’’

‘’I won’t be on the battlefield tomorrow.’’ He replied. ‘’But you will be.’’

Jeremy paused. ‘’Why is that a bad thing?’’

‘’You’ll have to wait and see.’’ Günter placed his hands on the ground and began to stand. The pain in his legs was agonising but he wanted a little bit of dignity. ‘’Now, I might need a hand getting to the infirmary.’’

‘’You’re gonna need more than a hand, pally.’’ He said the words maliciously and whipped out his scattergun. He took a single step back and pulled the trigger. A flurry of bullets punctured his shoulder and dug in. He cried out loudly and clutched it. He could see the blood pooling in spots where the shrapnel had entered.

Ivan walked in front of him. And without hesitation or warning, lifted him up. ‘’Not what I was expecting, but thank you Ivan.’’

‘’I aint done!’’ Jeremy yelled.

‘’You have done too much.’’ Ivan replied. ‘’I protect doktor.’’ Ivan walked out in the direction of the RED infirmary and halted. ‘’Wait. Doktor cannot treat self with bad hand.’’

‘’I’m glad you thought it through. I wasn’t expecting you to. But I hope you worked out that I want you take me to the BLU infirmary. There’s a doctor there.’’

‘’But he attacked you.’’ Ivan replied.

‘’He did. But I doubt he would turn me away, especially when I’m vulnerable like this.’’

Ivan started to walk across the map, despite his endless questions. His massive footsteps sent dust flying through the air. ‘’So doktor wants to get hurt?’’

He giggled. ‘’Think of it more as an experiment than a death wish. I’m merely curious.’’

Ivan sighed and rolled his eyes. ‘’Doktor is crazy.’’

***  
A knock at the door stirred Ludwig from his sleep. He hadn’t even realised that he had dozed off. He lifted his head from the desk and closed his book.

‘’Coming.’’ He mumbled, still hazy from sleeping. The door opened and Ludwig nearly leapt back in fright when he saw the RED heavy. He held his chest and stepped back.

‘’Sorry for scare. Doktor needs your help… got into fight with Scout. Is not good.’’

Ludwig scooped up his medigun. ‘’Oh… I’ll be zhere shortly.’’ He went to grab his bonesaw and syringe gun but noticed that the Russian had not left. ‘’You can go now.’’ He said, raising an eyebrow.

‘’I know. I do not trust you.’’ He replied. ‘’You equip self as if going into battle.’’

‘’I suppose it is only natural for you not to trust me,’’ He said, stepping out of the door with the behemoth. ‘’Ve are on opposite sides.’’ He smiled.

Ivan didn’t return the smile. Instead, he frowned. ‘’That is not reason. You are danger to team. You hurt doktor.’’

Ludwig looked to his hands. He could vividly remember smacking him and pulling his hair and—‘’I only attacked him because he did the same to me.’’ He said, dissipating his thoughts. Ludwig undid the bandaging around his throat, revealing the bruising and scarring on his throat. ‘’See?’’

‘’I see now.’’ The Russian said. ‘’I will go now. Do not hurt doktor under your care. I will know.’’ He said with a certain gruffness that told of his concern. His tone implied a threat. And a big one at that.

*******

Günter couldn’t hide his smile as the BLU medic approached. He had a habit of tending to his hair as he walked, as if he was insecure. Ludwig didn’t acknowledge him and merely opened the door of the infirmary. He didn’t meet eye contact or even look in his general direction.

‘’This isn’t how you greet a patient, Ludwig.’’

‘’You’re not a typical patient.’’ He replied and beckoned him inside. Günter didn’t move, rather, he stood in place with his hand against the wall. ‘’Vhat’s zhe delay? Do you need me to hold your hand like a baby?’’

‘’I can’t walk, Ludwig. I figured you would have noticed.’’

‘’I noticed.’’ He replied coldly. ‘’Come here. I don’t care if you have to crawl to get here, but you’re going to do it visout my help.’’ The BLU medic placed a sheet over the medical bed and hoisted the medigun on a stand, with the end directed toward the bed.

‘’Ludwig, please. It hurts to stand.’’ He whined. When their eyes met, Ludwig’s gaze did not soften, rather it turned colder. Hateful.

‘’I don’t pity you.’’ He said flatly. ‘’Hurry up.’’ The monotone nature of his speech left and instead held a bubbling, heated anger and impatience. He turned away, put on his gloves and began collecting tools. Günter took a step forward and he could feel the unsteadiness under his feet – not to mention the sharp stings of pain that came with moving injured limbs. His shoulder ached as he clutched anything solid in the room. Each step was a little bit worse until it was unbearable. He stood by the bed and knew he wouldn’t be able to hoist himself into it.

‘’I… I need help here.’’ He said, swallowing his pride. He wondered if the BLU medic would actually help or watch him fail over and over.

‘’I know you do.’’ He said, cleaning a scalpel before placing it with the rest of the utensils. He pulled a remote from his pocket and lowered the bed. Günter sat down before lifting his legs to orient himself correctly. He felt relieved, knowing he could rest. ‘’Ve vill start vis zhe shrapnel.’’ He said it flatly and impersonally, as if he was any other patient.

He decided to make it personal. ‘’Aren’t we going to talk about last night?’’ Ludwig ignored him and instead removed his dress shirt. The wound on his shoulder was still bleeding and it was dripping onto the protective sheet. The younger man activated the medigun, which largely reduced the severity of the pain. It also numbed him. Günter sighed in relief. The scalpel was held by his shoulder, the tip of the blade threatening to cut into him.

‘’Remain still.’’ Ludwig said and the blade pierced his skin. It was a strange sensation to watch someone cut him, but not to feel it. Out of the incision, he pried out a small pellet and deposited it on the tray. It too, was bloodied. ‘’How many times vas zhe scattergun fired?’’ Ludwig asked, prying out another bullet.

‘’Just once.’’

Ludwig cracked a smile for the briefest of moments before it faded. ‘’Good. Zhere should only be ten rounds in you. It von’t take much longer. I von’t have to deal vis you much longer.’’ He sighed, tired and relieved. Once more, the scalpel cut into his flesh and dug out another. It was almost entertaining to watch without the pain. He quite enjoyed it.

With the man so close to him, he couldn’t help but notice the bruises that had formed around his neck. ‘’Aren’t you going to turn up the beam now that the shrapnel is out of my system?’’

‘’No,’’ He replied. ‘’Your body vill heal you. It vill be slow and ugly.’’ He pulled up a plastic chair beside the bed and sat down. ‘’And don’t even try to turn it up yourself. Touch my medigun and you vill be met vis a very sharp bonesaw.’’

‘’I understand.’’ He deliberately hid his smile with annoyance. There was a long silence, with Ludwig prying pellets out of his shoulder and the gentle clink of them landing in the tray. He was oddly professional about the way he worked, despite who he was treating. He wished the man would be more… hateful. More openly spiteful. Günter frowned. ‘’You haven’t been speaking to me in German lately. I miss our little talks.’’

‘’Speaking like zhat promotes understanding and kinship.’’ Ludwig said it flatly and rolled his eyes. He noticed that he gestured excessively when agitated.

‘’I suppose.’’ He sighed. ‘’Why are you so against healing me quickly?’’ He asked it hastily, barely thinking about it or the conversation at hand. ‘’It would get me out of your hair quicker.’’

‘’To be completely honest, I do not vant you on zhe battlefield. I have my own scars to heal. I do not need you zhere adding more. Besides, healing hurts and a little bit of pain might do you some good.’’

‘’Hm. I have a feeling your scars will be abruptly reopened, regardless of me.’’ He replied.

*******

As soon as the BLU medic left, Günter rose out of the bed, careful as to not fall on his unsteady legs. He unclipped the medigun from its perch. It was against the rules for him to use the BLU medic’s equipment, but he didn’t care. It was for his benefit that he got healed immediately. He could pretend to be injured still, if he wanted to, that is. He pulled the lever to healing mode and sighed in relief as the warm, numbing beam closed his wounds and repaired his body like he hadn’t been shot or beaten prior. It was a heavenly sensation and he was almost disappointed when it was over. A devious idea came to mind, one he couldn’t ignore. He flipped the medigun over, revealing the plate on the bottom. He reached for a nearby screwdriver and unscrewed each bolt.

The insides of the device was revealed to him. Günter saw what he was looking for. A little chip embedded in it. He ripped it out and discarded it in the corner of the room, where it would be ignored and not seen. He reattached the plate and put the medigun back on the stand. He tugged the lever, and now only a beam of light hit him, rather than a healing ray.

It was perfect.


	10. Sly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope these shitty little dreams help to split up the wall of text that this thing is

_The rabbit approached the fox. It lay on the field, with droplets of blood reddening its ginger fur even further. It would not be able to run away and he hoped the fox did not have the strength to bite it. It was strange to want to tend to the creature that had been so keen to predate it before. Cautiously, the rabbit offered healing herbs of which the fox took with a sly smile. It unsettled the rabbit but it was its duty to help someone in need. It had grey fur around its eyes and cloudy irises that told of age. This predator was not so frightening, despite its prominent fangs, its eyes were kind._

_The wolf approached from behind. ‘’Vhat are you doing, hare? It is a danger to you, it **bit** you.’’_

_The rabbit turned to the wolf. ‘’ It is my duty to help it.’’_

_The wolf leaned over the red dog and bit it. Not hard enough to kill, but hard enough to make it bleed more and to leave a scar. ‘’Never think zhat you’re better zhan us again, fox.’’ It snarled in its ear. ‘’I despise you, filthy dog.’’_

_‘’Y-You’ve done enough, volf.’’ The rabbit snapped. ‘’Can’t you see zhat the fox has tricked you? It vants you to be angry!’’_

_The wolf groaned. ‘’Get back to bed, rabbit! Zhis doesn’t concern veak little animals. Zhis is a conversation between carnivores.’’ It bared its teeth and lunged at the rabbit._

_The fox merely chuckled._


	11. Killers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LUDWIG YOU'RE SCARING ME
> 
> also nsfw chapter so yeah  
> edited to be more hateful if that was even necessary.

Ludwig pulled the lever and the soft blue beam materialised on Misha. He anticipated the low hum and crackle as it charged, but it never came. He waited a moment and still, it wouldn’t charge. He nearly dropped it when it lit up brighter before gurgling and going out.

‘’Machine not work.’’ Misha replied. ‘’Is not heal.’’

‘’It’s not?’’ He said, confused. He tugged the lever to activate an ubercharge, yet it only let out a little wheeze, rather than releasing the energy within. ‘’Do ve have a spare?’’ He asked.

‘’No. Medigun is expensive. Do not give out without good reason.’’ Misha replied. ‘’No healing today.’’ He said it flatly and he stared out the gates. ‘’Check that needle gun work.’’

He spun the barrel and fired. Small dart-like syringes flew from the end and stuck in the wall. It was perfectly functional. If need be, his bonesaw was always at arm’s length. ‘’Zhis is… cruel.’’

‘’Control self, doctor.’’ Misha stepped out of the gates as they opened and dashed for the point. Ludwig followed suite, clutching the syringe gun tightly. RED team didn’t have a proper medic either and thus it was fair for his medigun to malfunction.

And yet, Ludwig couldn’t help but feel cheated.

Without that medigun, he wasn’t even a real mercenary. He was a doctor clutching a fake gun.

He shook the thoughts away and focused on capturing the objective. The engineer and demoman joined him. He felt the stares and ignored them, he could explain later. From behind, the RED scout blasted Dell to pieces with two shots from a scattergun before reloading and narrowly missing Tavish. The Scot retaliated by promptly blowing him up with a pill.

‘’Time has been added.’’ The speakers announced.

As the BLU team left the point, a bullet penetrated through Misha’s skull and flew into Tavish’s shoulder. He cried out and clutched it. ‘’Lucky shot, mate!’’ He yelled as if it were a taunt. ‘’You and me now, boyo.’’

They then entered the tunnels. A single rocket rushed through the tunnel and he leapt out to the side before it exploded against the wall. The narrow tunnels made it harder to dodge, which wasn’t helped by the large explosion radius of the rockets. Tavish guessed where he was and shot pills into the left tunnel.

Then the scream of a soldier echoed through the underpass. It sounded like he had been backstabbed. Tavish sprinted out of the tunnels before Ludwig could catch up, he had been torn to pieces by a minigun. He stepped back to retreat and nearly tripped before a pair of hands caught him before a kukri was placed to his throat. ‘’Don’t move, doc.’’ He looked down, raised his boot high and stomped down. The bushman recoiled. Ludwig disarmed him and swung at him with the bonesaw. It sliced his cheek before the RED sniper fought back. Ludwig was shoved against the wall with force and an SMG was put to his head. In a swift motion, he sliced the bonesaw across the man’s stomach, effectively tearing it open and displaying his organs.

The shock was enough to make him drop the gun.

Ludwig pushed him away and the Australian fell clumsily. He sat beside the bushman and smiled kindly to him before shoving his hand in the open wound and tearing out his intestines. ‘’You von’t be needing zhese anymore.’’ He said it casually and almost passively as he plucked it all out. Some things needed a hard tug and others just came right out. The sniper had turned pale, likely from the process of dying and possibly disgust.

Ludwig left him to die. He ran to the capture point and jumped on it. He placed his finger on the trigger of the syringe gun and waited. Within moments, he was stopped by the RED scout.

He laughed. ‘’I’m glad we see eye to eye on the RED medic. You did me a favour vhen you bashed him!’’ He offered a smile. It was enough to distract the young man from shooting him immediately.

‘’Yeah, he’s a real asshole, aint he?’’ He replied and scratched his chin. Ludwig promptly shot him full of needles until he dropped to the ground. He kicked the body and stepped off the capture point. His team would finish the round as soon as they got to the point regardless of his efforts.

He had something else on his mind. Ludwig found his way to RED spawn and stood by the door with his bonesaw in hand. When the RED heavy stepped out, he slit his throat from behind and watched as he choked on his own blood. His gasps became hard and desperate until he fell limp. There was something inherently amusing about ambushing others. The surprise and weakness that unawareness created was easy to exploit, it seemed. That proved to be true when the soldier stepped out. All it took was a swift kick to the back of the legs to knock him over. Ludwig wrapped his hands around the American’s neck and twisted it quickly. The snap it created made him smile.

He heard footfalls from inside and a recently respawned scout stepped out. In one swift motion, he slammed the boy against the wall and grabbed him by the throat. He would have time before the rest respawned, this one didn’t have to be instantaneous. He gripped the Bostonian tightly and listened to him choke and sputter as he was deprived of air. His eyes were wide and teary, wrapped hands grabbed his, trying desperately to pull him off. It was fruitless. The scout soon fell limp.

Ludwig lowered his body to the floor before dropping it. ‘’Victory!’’ The Administrator’s voice blared over the speakers. He was disappointed that it was over already. Ludwig swept his hair out of his face and accidentally bloodied it. He didn’t mind. Dell came running, shotgun in hand.

‘’Shit. That was you, sawbones?’’ He asked it in a panic. ‘’I followed the trail of blood thinkin’ it was yours but… It aint.’’

‘’Of course it isn’t mine.’’ He gestured to the carnage underneath him. ‘’ I did quite vell, didn’t I? Vhy are you so distressed?’’

‘’You ripped a boy’s organs out while he was still alive!’’ Dell yelled. His agitation was further shown by his low brows and balled fists.

Ludwig approached him and stepped on the RED soldier’s helmet as he walked. He noticed that he was significantly taller than the engineer. ‘’My medigun malfunctioned, Dell. I had no other choice.’’ He replied and used his height to intimidate the Texan.

‘’You had a choice, buddy.’’ He said each word with a coat of poison, to make them bitter and hurtful. Ludwig didn’t care for his tone. As far as he was concerned, he had done his job. ‘’Ya could’a sat out, or just used the weapons fer self-defence, but you went out of your way to hurt and torture people.’’ He growled the words.

But they were. ‘’I did not—‘’

Dell placed his shotgun to his chin. ‘’Don’t lie to yourself. Rippin’ out that Aussie’s intestines was not defensive or merciful. It was sick and cruel.’’ Ludwig stared down the barrel. No doubt, if the Texan decided to shoot him, he’d die instantly. He said nothing. He felt it wouldn’t be worth defending himself if it led to being shot in the head. ‘’I’m really worried about ya, sawbones… Maybe ya do have two personalities, because this isn’t the same man who was grievin’ last night.’’

The sensations were fading. He softened his gaze and relaxed his face to make himself look less… abnormal. ‘’ _Vielleicht ist es das blut_?’’ He thought aloud.

‘’What was that, son?’’ 

‘’I said maybe it’s the blood. I meant it more as a joke than anysing… Sorry.’’ He mumbled, suddenly feeling awkward. ‘’I’m feeling strange.’’ He said softly. ‘’I’m sorry, Dell. I did not mean to threaten you. I don’t know vhat came over me.’’ That was a lie. He did not feel apologetic, nor did he have a change of heart. He merely wanted to kill him and be done with it. Dell lowered the shotgun and he embraced the Texan in a hug. He was warm and quite comfortable to hold. The sudden gesture surprised the smaller man, but he welcomed it regardless.

‘’Doc…’’ He sighed. ‘’You feelin’ alright?’’

‘’No.’’ He said softly. ‘’Not at all.’’ He found the handle of his bonesaw and it was then when he felt metal press against his chest, putting distance between the Texan and himself.

‘’Put it down, doc. We can have a beer together or somethin’, talk it out, ya know? There’s no need for this shit.’’ He was negotiating now. Dell was frightened.

Frightened of **him**.

‘’You’re scared of me, Dell.’’ He said it coldly and flatly. But it hurt more than his voice suggested.

The engineer sighed. ‘’I ain’t gonna lie to your face. I think you’re gonna hurt me, doc. And once you get through me, ya won’t stop. So drop the blade and I won’t shoot ya.’’ Ludwig let it go. The bonesaw dropped to the ground with a clank. ‘’That’s it… See? You’re still in there, son. Why don’t we have a drink, buddy? Maybe Misha can tag along?’’ He said it as if he were talking to a kid or worse yet, a beloved dog.

‘’Okay. Ve can have a drink.’’

*******

Misha appeared stern and stoic, with little emotion on his face. Dell clutched his wrench nervously. ‘’Doktor has… interesting patient.’’ Misha said, initiating conversation.

‘’ _Ja._ Zhere is an explanation. Zhe RED scout beat his hands and knees vis a bat… And shot his shoulder. He cannot tend to his own vounds and so he came to me. I do not like tending to him, but it is my duty as a doctor.’’ He felt the strong need to justify himself.

Dell put a hand on his shoulder. Ludwig flinched slightly but relaxed into it. ‘’Anyway… That aint what this is about, doc.’’ He said it sombrely. ‘’We’re concerned. Misha and I are, at least. I know that we’re a tad divided about ya, but we do care.’’ Misha nodded in agreement. They headed off to the kitchen. Lately, his life had been hell and a good fix of booze might ease some of the pain and confusion.

Misha patted him on the back as they walked. ‘’Doktor has not been so good. I see this.’’ The giant said.

Dell chipped in. ‘’It really scared us when we… I saw what ya did to the REDS. I get that they’re not exactly our friends, but it wasn’t… normal. ‘’ It was strange to see his eyes without the goggles. He looked so… sincere. ‘’And earlier today... ya aint normally so… volatile and emotional. A drink will calm ya down a tad.’’

Ludwig decided to contribute. ‘’I have been in a dark place lately.’’ He said. ‘’I vas so angry zhat I didn’t realise vhat I vas doing. I’ve been taking my frustrations out on zhe RED team.’’ He looked to his hands that were once bloodied then back to the night sky. It was littered with pretty little stars. ‘’I hated zhat my team couldn’t trust me and vere more inclined to trust a serial murderer over zheir own medic!’’ He felt the agitation return. But this sort of anger was good. He was venting it and letting it out into the open air. ‘’ Günter is playing games vis me. He pinned two murders on me just to make me angry enough to kill…! He’s been trying to get in my head to convince me zhat it vould feel good to butcher ozhers.’’ His hands began to shake as he spoke. ‘’And I gave in… I might have believed him even…’’

‘’Shit, doc.’’ Dell replied, scratching his ear. ‘’Why does he want ta drive ya ta be feral so badly, son?’’

‘’Zhat’s zhe sing… I don’t know vhat he vants!’’ He said it with a fiery sort of anger. His voice rose slightly and he clenched his fists.

Misha paused, thoughtful for a moment then interjected. ‘’What if doktor is courting?’’

‘’Vhat?’’

‘’Some animal have very… specific way of finding mate. Birds look for one with best dance. Some like biggest antlers or strongest one… Some bring corpse of prey to impress mate.’’ He said the last one with a touch of humour and a sort of joking delivery. ‘’RED doktor is animal. Maybe he trying to find if you are good for him.’’

‘’That’s some crazy shit right there.’’ Dell laughed. ‘’But the RED med is pretty god darn crazy. Misha could be right.’’ Dell opened the door for them both. ‘’Is he er… what’s the polite term these days… Is he into men, Misha?’’

‘’ _Da_.’’ Misha said. ‘’Is not shy about fact. Did flirt with me.’’ Misha mumbled the last words.

Dell piped up immediately. ‘’Christ… He flirted with **you**?’’

‘’Always talk with double meanings. Ask me to visit him often… when I visit he never wear shirt! I did not like. But he was comfortable. I did not complain.’’ Misha said, scratching his chin. ‘’I understand words even with bad English. Subtlety is not so good. I pretend I do not understand to not hurt feeling.’’

Ludwig couldn’t help but chuckle. He opened the refrigerator and found himself a beer before and scooped up two more for Misha and Dell. ‘’He is not nearly so obvious vis me, eizher zhat or I’m oblivious to it.’’ He passed the drinks to them.

Dell smiled and swigged his beer. ‘’ So… I know we’re all havin’ a laugh. And that’s great… But we should address somethin’. We all know what it is.’’ He looked to Ludwig with a concerned sort of frown. ‘’I hate to even say it… some of us in BLU are afraid that you’re gonna kill us. All of us.’’

It hurt to hear it and even more so that he could imagine himself doing it. ‘’I… I know it is a concern. I have begun to vorry about myself. Vhen I hurt people I become somebody else… someone more confident, someone cold and powerful visout remorse or mercy.’’ He said it with quivering hands. ‘’And vhen zhat high vears off… I’m me again. I fear zhat I am sick. Or zhat I have two personalities. I don’t know vhat it is but I know somesing is wrong vis me.’’

Misha patted his shoulder and took a drink from his bottle. ‘’Is okay to be wrong. It is thing you can control if you put mind to.’’ His kind words gave Ludwig a little bit of confidence, but he knew how powerless he was against the part of him that craved bloodshed.

Dell wrapped an arm around him. It proved to be difficult for the Texan, considering the significant height difference between them. ‘’It might be easier to control if you focus on the healin’, son. That’s what I think, anyway. It’s up to you what ya do, o’course. You’ll get through it, doc.’’

It was then when the tears spilled from his eyes.

*******

Günter turned over in the bed. As expected, it had proven difficult to amuse himself for several hours without any sort of activity that required his hands or legs. He had spent most of his day lost in thought about nothing at all. It had been nice to rest his mind and body alike. Age was catching up it seemed, as the last few sessions on the battlefield had left him with an aching back and legs. The ‘injuries’ he had sustained provided a good excuse to remain in bed like an old man. He yawned softly and debated—

The door swung open and slammed against the wall violently. Ludwig kicked it back into place just as fast. Günter lost any semblance of what he had wanted to say when he saw the state of the BLU medic. His coat was soaked with blood, particularly around the sleeves, the tail and the chest area. He discarded bloodied gloves in a nearby bin. His face was littered with droplets of blood and his eyes were strangely calm, as if he wasn’t covered in entrails and blood. Finally, words came to him. ‘’Is that your blood, Ludwig?’’ He sat up in the bed to get a closer look.

‘’No.’’ He said it quickly and quietly. He walked over to the sink and washed his face.

‘’Are you not going to shower?’’ He realised how rude that was. Politeness was probably key to his wellbeing. ‘’Sorry, that was rude. I meant it more as—‘’

‘’—Later. I vanted to see you first.’’ His tone remained soft. It was almost calm. But the smile on his face told otherwise.

‘’Me? Why?’’ He was curious what this was about. Ludwig didn’t seem mad, nor did he seem upset. Rather, he was blank. Vacant.

He sat on the bed beside him. ‘’I am conflicted,’’ He said. ‘’I don’t vant zhis sensation to end.’’ He said it with a twinge of sadness. ‘’I feel alive, Günter.’’ He bit his lip. ‘’But I also vant to be me again… Zhe stuttering fool vis tremors and compassion for ozhers. I vant to get along vis my team – but zhey are afraid of me. Zhey think I vill hurt them. I vant to hurt zhem but I also desperately vant zhem to be safe.’’ His voice shook. ‘’I… I don’t know vhat I am anymore. I feel I have been split into two competing halves!’’ He was on the verge of tears and Günter didn’t know what to do. ‘’Zhe engineer confronted me after zhe battle. He vas concerned about me and disapproved of vhat I had done. I confinced him to lower zhe shotgun and I could have killed him. I vanted to… But I also vanted to let him go. He vas scared of me and it hurt more zhan zhe shotgun against my chest.’’ He wiped his watery eyes. ‘’I just… don’t know anymore.’’

‘’It’s an easy choice, Ludwig.’’ He sighed, rolling his eyes. ‘’You make it sound like you can only have one.’’

Ludwig stared at him peculiarly. ‘’I can only assume one identity, Günter. I just don’t know vhich is zhe right one for me.’’ He groaned. ‘’It doesn’t help zhat zhey compete for control.’’

‘’Which one is more comfortable for you? The medic who rips organs out with glee, or the medic who seeks to comfort and provide healing?’’

‘’…I don’t know. I prefer the latter, because people like me… but zhe former is so… tantalising. It is enjoyable.’’

Günter thought for a moment. Perhaps it wasn’t a matter of forgoing one and keeping the other, perhaps it was merely a decision of which one to restrain. ‘’I have an idea. You do not have to forgo either. Rather, you merely have to restrain the more enjoyable and destructive part of you. You let it loose when necessary for your survival. And luckily for you, you’re a mercenary. You’re welcome to unleash the inner demons there and the chances are, quite frequently. The only question there is if it would sate you.’’ He said it with a smile. ‘’You can have both and find a middle ground. Find equilibrium between your two halves. Use them both like tools for all aspects of your life.’’

Ludwig chuckled darkly, then sighed. ‘’Zhat is zhe problem. I vouldn’t be satisfied. Vhen I start killing, I can’t stop. Vhen I do it… I feel like myself. But everyone else thinks ozhervise.’’

‘’Then forget the part that is feeble and let yourself free. Who cares about other people? You are the most important person, Ludwig.’’ He replied as if it was obvious. ‘’All you want right now is blood to be spilled and for heads to roll, and that’s okay.’’

Ludwig paused for a long time. ‘’Stop it.’’ He growled. ‘’You vant me to become dangerous.’’ He whispered the words hatefully. ‘’You have been trying to groom me to be zhe vay you vant me to be.’’

‘’Ah… You’ve caught me.’’ He mumbled. ‘’I do vant you to be able to defend yourself. Seeing you on zhat first day vas quite enlightening. You couldn’t fight me even if you wanted to.’’

‘’You say it like you have helped me!’’

‘’I have.’’ He smiled proudly. ‘’You didn’t die once today. I disabled your medigun so that you would learn to fend for yourself. And you overachieved. If you look in that corner over there, the chip you need to repair it should be there. Anyway, I’m quite proud of you. From a shivering wreck, you have become a powerful man. And with one more step, you could become a god on the battlefield.’’

‘’You disgust me...’’ He hissed. ‘’You **manipulated** me.’’

He smiled. He had known this question would eventually come up. ‘’That I did… In several ways. I left the RED heavy in the infirmary to unsettle you and to introduce you to yours truly. Immediately, you got an impression of me, did you not? You were curious and thus wanted to learn more about me. I was hoping you would stumble upon my journal by accident but Misha told you – which was more helpful by the by – about it. I scarred you on the battlefield. Then planted the seeds of doubt in your team by visiting you in the night. Not only that, but you felt obligated to talk to me out of fear. Whether you liked it or not, we built a relationship. I forced it to grow, really.’’

‘’I have to stop you for a second.’’ Ludwig said and stared at him. ‘’Vas it all intentional?’’

‘’No, actually. I stumbled through a lot of it. For instance, I intended to kill you on the battlefield, but scarring you proved to be more useful. I killed your pyro for revenge and so happened to kill him after you two had a dispute… your team doubted you, Ludwig.’’ His smile grew wider. It felt good to finally unbottle it all. ‘’I’ll get back to it now. After our meeting on the battlefield, I met you in the night and I opened up to you about _schadenfreude_ and planted the idea in your mind that killing could be enjoyable. Not to mention, I made it quite personal and spoke about my feelings, which in turn, gives you the inclination to trust me. You took the idea of _schadenfreude_ so well, in fact, that you killed someone the next time we were on the battlefield. I believe frustration with your team also played a part, but that is beside the point.’’ He saw the worry in Ludwig’s eyes. ‘’Do you want me to continue?’’

‘’ _Ja.’’_ He said quickly. ‘’I need to know.’’

Günter shrugged. He felt only joy to tell Ludwig of his work. ‘’Again, I met you in the night. By then, it was routine for you. Normal. I suggested that you had enjoyed killing the scout and that you had shown your true colours, without me playing a part in it at all. That made you angrier with me – which was the goal. So, I handed your spy my journal and asked him to give it to you.’’

‘’He said—‘’ Ludwig began.

‘’He lied to protect his fragile ego. He’s a bad spy... Oops. Should I say ‘was’ a bad spy? I suppose it doesn’t matter. I killed him because it’d annoy you. Simple as that. And it worked wonders! I still have his medication in my other shirt, actually…’’ He got back on track. ‘’You looked through my journal and was disgusted by the contents, you learned of my feelings and I was so glad when you chose to visit **me**.’’

Ludwig tilted his head slightly. ‘’Vas zhe point of zhe art to agitate me?’’

‘’No, actually. I sexualised you, yes… but it was mainly for my own interest. I knew you wouldn’t like it, however.’’ He replied. ‘’Haha… We finally get to talk about that night, don’t we?’’ He smiled, amused. ‘’I knew you would come for me eventually, I just wasn’t sure when or how. I anticipated everything else than what you did. You thought I was terrified, when in reality I was excited. I did not expect you to do what you did. It was fascinating to hear you open up about your feelings, I must admit. I heard how desperately you wanted to hurt me and I thought I could put that on the battlefield. At the time, I wasn’t sure how I would do it. In retrospect, I’m quite glad Jeremy is such an aggressive idiot.’’ He looked to the faded bruising on his hands. ‘’I got an excuse to be off the battlefield and to force you to spend time with me. Not only that, but I got the opportunity to disable your medigun.’’

Ludwig frowned. ‘’It seems ve have come to today.’’ He said it glumly and softly.

‘’Yes we have. Because your medigun was inactive, you were forced to fight and thus put the aggression and frustration to good use. You also learned the effectiveness of your tools. And your underlying tendencies of course. And now, you actively decided to come and see me over personal hygiene. Isn’t that quite something?’’

‘’But vhat is zhe purpose of reaffirming zhat you are manipulating me?’’ Ludwig chewed his lip. Günter could practically see the cogs spinning behind his eyes.

‘’I’m glad you asked. In actuality, it is to prevent me from shaping you any further. Manipulation is significantly less effective if the one being toyed with knows that they are being positioned a certain way. You are almost exactly how I wanted you to be. You merely have to make the final step and make full use of every aspect of your personality.’’

Ludwig stared at him, seeing through his poor answer. ‘’You still didn’t answer zhe question. You said vhat you vant me to do and how you want me to be, but not vhat you got out of zhis.’’

Günter needed a moment to think about what he had wanted. He knew exactly what he wanted but he neglected to say it. ‘’I saw a killer in you, Ludwig. I was curious if I could lure it out. I wanted to know how far you would go if I gave you a little bit of a push.’’ Günter began. ‘’I’m curious, who was the first? Was it a stranger? A patient? A friend? A lover maybe?’’

Ludwig looked to his hands. ‘’A patient.’’ He said it softly and shamefully. ‘’I gave him zhe wrong medication. Killed him slowly.’’ He didn’t meet eye contact. ‘’I vas not held responsible. I got avay vis it. It vas on my mind for a long time, until I just… made myself forget.’’ He mumbled the words, as if he hadn’t wanted to speak them at all. ‘’I vas unsure if it vas intentional or not. Ve vere understaffed, vis too many patients and I vas tired. He vas rude. He vanted a pretty nurse to kiss them better, not a tired young man who vas sick of zhe complaints. I don’t remember giving him zhe medication… Only zhat I vas glad I vouldn’t have to treat him anymore.’’

‘’I assume you repressed the positive feeling you got from it? If you did it of course.’’

‘’I know I did it _._ ’’ He said. ‘’It vas wrong of me to feel good about facilitating a death.’’ He met eye contact when he said it. ‘’After zhat day I noticed little sings about myself. Vhen drawing blood for testing, I vould find myself smiling if zhe patient showed discomfort… If I had to cut zhem open to remove glass or shrapnel, I vould become more… cheery. Just little sings...’’ Ludwig smiled for a moment before it faded. ‘’You brought zhe part zhat enjoyed zhe hurting back out.’’

Günter smiled in kind, flashing pearly whites. ‘’I’m flattered, Ludwig. I merely passed you the tools you needed to free yourself.’’

‘’Freedom… Zhat is an interesting vay of putting it.’’ He sighed gently. ‘’Torture is more accurate.’’

‘’Do you still hate me, Ludwig? Even though I have done so much for you?’’ He leaned in and placed a hand on Ludwig’s thigh. ‘’I don’t hate you, if you’re curious. Quite the opposite, when I think about it…’’ He whispered it softly and put a certain inflection in his words.

‘’I despise you.’’ He returned that softness and teased him further by closing the distance between them until they were nose to nose. The messages mixed into a confusing mess. The closeness suggested intimacy. The words stated clearly that Ludwig hated him but the hushed tones suggested the most vile hatred possible.

‘’Are you going to hurt me, Ludwig?’’ As soon as he spoke the words, cold steel was pressed against his throat.

‘’Of course I am.’’ He said it gently and lovingly, in a hushed tone that made him wonder what the intended meaning was. ‘’I vant you to remove your clothes to your vaist.’’ Ludwig smiled when he said it, but it wasn’t a kind or shy one, rather it was malicious and foreboding. Günter – still unsure what to make of it – did as was asked of him. He unbuttoned his shirt hastily. He discarded it by the bedside. Ludwig pulled down the blinds and he knew for certain that whatever was about to occur would appear compromising, no matter how it was viewed.

*******

Ludwig’s fist collided with his cheek. For a first hit, it was clumsy and had narrowly met its mark. He did another – this time it was more accurate and clearly, it hit harder. ‘’You’re rough—‘’

‘’--Don’t talk.’’ Ludwig snapped, then slapped him hard. The other man clenched his teeth. He slammed a fist into the older man’s lip, then another. He watched it bruise on impact. The next one made it bleed. It was satisfying to see the consequences of the violence. He swung at Günter’s nose and felt it crack against his fist. Again, blood trickled from the impact, melding with that on his lip. The RED medic took the hits quietly, occasionally he heard a soft grunt or a rushed breath on impact, but he was remarkably still as if he was accepting the punishment. ‘’Vhy aren’t you fighting me, Günter?’’

‘’I want to see your anger. I want to see your hate, Ludwig. I want to **feel** it.’’ Günter breathed. Ludwig examined his hands. They were well lit by the sterile lights of the infirmary. They weren’t quite bloodied yet, but there were smudges and droplets on his knuckles. He then noticed how long his nails were. Günter noticed too, as his eyebrows lowered just a touch. He knew what was coming. Ludwig saw the man’s lip twitch, but he said nothing at all. Perhaps it was a nervous behaviour. He couldn’t tell, as the RED medic was not often nervous. He raked his nails against Günter’s bare chest as if they were claws and felt the skin tear. He didn’t hold back. It coloured the underside of his nails a dark purple. He shifted lower, to Günter’s stomach and did it again. He smiled as the blood pooled from the rake marks. The euphoria was building. Ludwig could feel the heat swelling in his system. . He could feel every pounding heartbeat in his chest, every breath, each and every blink… Ludwig felt alive. He was curious what how these feelings would change and transform if he went further. It was an animalistic desire to wound and kill, yet he wanted to fulfil it. Without thinking, he cupped the RED medic’s chin and tilted his head up to expose his neck. He bared his teeth and lowered himself onto his throat. Ludwig bit down as hard as he could muster, pinching the flesh with his teeth and not quite tearing it. He heard Günter cry out in pain, but other than that, he did not scream or wail.

Ludwig wanted him to scream.

He dug his nails into the bite, slicing into the raw flesh. Günter twitched and squirmed until he relaxed his fingers. His teeth locked together in a grin. He felt the power coursing through his veins and the buzzing joy that flooded his mind. He wanted to do so much more, he thought of cutting him with a knife, perhaps even marking his throat the same way Günter had marked him amused him and excited him. For now, his nails were the knives, his teeth were fangs and his fists were stones. To surprise the man, he punched just under his eye, hoping to leave a mark. It would be a reminder. Ludwig’s breaths became more and more rapid as he continued to mark every part of the doctor. The overwhelming feeling of euphoria became stronger and stronger and eventually it was as if he and Günter were the only people who mattered. The warmth sparked into a wildfire inside of him and he began to laugh, it was a mad cackle, created by raw pleasure. He felt like a wolf, who had caught a chicken in his maw. The _schadenfreude_ was coursing through him now in incredible amounts. It brought an incredible high and utter bliss. His heart was rapid now, as if it were sprinting.

He grabbed the doctor’s throat and squeezed. He listened to Günter choke and writhe in his grip. He saw the desperation in his eyes and let go. The tease of killing him had been enough to increase the effect of the high to something even more incredible. He let his hands fall to his sides, now covered in blood. ‘’I-I-I vant to snap your neck… just to know vhat it vould bring out in me…’’ He mumbled it. He could still taste Günter’s blood in his mouth. Instinctually, he looked to the bite mark on his neck. Blood oozed out of the rake marks on his chest. He was breathless. He put his index to the ripped flesh and applied pressure, letting a nail dig in. A soft cry told him of how badly it burned. He twisted his finger in, revelling in the subtle wheeze that surfaced from Günter. He shifted his bloodied index to the older man’s lip, smearing his blood on them. ‘’You disgust me, Günter.’’ He whispered.

‘’I would say the same, but that would be a lie, wouldn’t it?’’ He watched as the RED medic placed his hand on his chest, gathering blood on his fingertips. He reached up, placing bloodied fingers to his cheek and smudging it in a downward stroke. ‘’There. You’re prettier when you look like a deranged killer.’’

He didn’t realise he had laughed until he heard the sound and felt the hum in his throat. ‘’Zhe only one I vant to kill is you.’’

‘’Oh you’re so sweet, Ludwig.’’ Blood tinged fingers held his chin and pulled him in just a little closer. He was radiating heat, and so was Günter. Albeit for different reasons. ‘’If you were to kill me… how would you do it?’’ There was a seriousness in his eyes, teasing fingers played with his lip, edging him to spill his secrets.

He had to think about the best method. Ludwig didn’t want it to be quick by any means, nor did he want to drag it out to the point where he got bored. A bullet was too impersonal. However, fists, tooth and nail was too much. He wanted it to be beautiful. It would be precise yet gruesome. ‘’I vould start here, by breaking your ribs.’’ He touched just under the man’s nipple, feeling the hard bone underneath. He moved down to his stomach. ‘’Zhen I vould cut here, to expose your organs.’’ He made a slicing motion with his fingertip across his belly. He shifted up to Günter’s throat, bloodying himself again in the process. ‘’And to finish you off, I vould cut you here.’’

‘’And then?’’ Günter leaned in. They were close now, almost nose to nose. He couldn’t help but notice those cold eyes darting to his lips, then to his eyes.

‘’You vould die in minutes.’’ He muttered.

‘’Yes… yes I would.’’ Günter whispered in a matter that was almost sensual. It was so soft that he almost missed it. He soon felt soft lips against his own, begging for his attention. He punished his desire by biting down, ripping the soft flesh of his lips. It was hastily returned and quickly, soft pecks and nuzzles devolved into hard bites and rough sweeps of the tongue. He tasted of copper. The older man slowly pulled away now covered in vicious bites and marks. ‘’Fuck me, Ludwig. I’m sick of all the teasing. Just do it to me. Violate me. Show me how much you hate me.’’ He mumbled impatiently. He looked to those desperate eyes of his. He wanted it so badly. Without even thinking he unzipped his fly. He grabbed the other man by the shoulders and glared at his desperate icy blue eyes.

‘’Lie on your back… raise your legs.’’ Ludwig ordered. He stood up and he scoured the desk for lubricant. He smiled when the RED medic pretended not to see him apply it. He hadn’t done what he had asked. ‘’Günter… I did ask you to do somesing for me.’’ A gentle, but firm reminder of his authority. Günter stripped himself of the last of his clothing and raised his legs effeminately. Seeing him in such a meek position was a treat for the eyes. Ludwig placed his hands on the bed and quickly lowered himself, as to put all of his weight on the other man at once. Günter wheezed. He cackled. ‘’I’m going to rip you apart…’’ He said it quickly and quietly. He gripped Günter’s shoulders and carefully aligned himself. ‘’And you’re going to like it like the perverted little _schwein_ you are.’’ He figured that talking to him would distract him from the impending impact. He barely flinched when he was penetrated.

He started gentle by rubbing his cock on the opening before merely pressing his hips in to ease the other man into the sensation before rolling his hips back and forth. It was primarily to psyche himself up than to please the other man.

‘’Is this what you call **rough** , Ludwig? I can’t say I’m impressed.’’

‘’Shut up!’’ He hissed and thrusted into Günter. He rolled his hips in a back and forth motion, shoving his penis all the way in and almost sliding it out. Günter whimpered, placing his hands around Ludwig’s back, pulling him in close. Ludwig enjoyed the closeness immensely, it created a sense of need.

He forced his penis in even further, and aggressively dug it in and out. He adored the way the other man took him in perfectly and how they slotted together like lock and key. He bucked his hips with speed, the sound of skin on skin sounding out loudly. Günter pulled him in tighter and groaned against his neck. He increased his pace and the older man cried out softly. He adored the feeling of forcing such a reaction, it indicated satisfaction.

Günter mewled softly as his pace quickened and coiled his legs around Ludwig’s waist, pulling them even closer. The RED medic’s lips parted and his mouth hung open as the intensity increased. His breaths became hurried and rushed, and a soft purr escaped his lips as a moan. He felt his manhood becoming rigid and stiff with pleasure. He liked the warmth that circulated around his body and the bubbling anticipation in his abdomen.

It was nice to see Günter so desperate under him.

Ludwig found himself breathless. His heart raced and he felt the rising tension in his body as he came closer to his climax. He grinned and used the last of his stamina in hard and fast rolls of the hips. Günter’s quiet moans became more pleading and desperate. ‘’Promise me something…’’ The RED medic whispered. Nails dug into his shoulders and greyish eyes met his in a pleading stare. ‘’Promise me that you’ll kill me some day.’’

‘’I promise.’’

He pampered the older man with rougher thrusts. The RED medic squealed and a fervid, drawn out moan sounded from his throat. Nails started to rip and claw into him. “Oh— Ludwig…!” He whimpered and his legs squeezed tighter around his body. He let out a long, fervid mewl before reaching his peak. The vice grip around his waist loosened and the man slumped. He chuckled quietly when he saw how pink the other man was in the face. Pervert.

He sighed quietly as his climax hit and left just as suddenly.

Günter’s hands trailed to his chest and stroked him gently. He pulled them away.

He sat up off the bed and scooped up his medigun. ‘’I’ve had my fun.’’ He forced the plate on the bottom open and put the chip back inside before closing it again. He pulled the lever and the blue beam fixed on the RED medic. His wounds repaired themselves quickly and only left faint scars. He dropped the machine again. ‘’ _Gute Nacht._ ’’ He said casually and left the room. He felt no need to talk with the man further. 

*******

After a well-needed shower, Ludwig went to his quarters. He crawled into bed. He wasn’t quite tired yet, but he liked the comfort the soft pillows and blankets brought. Often, the softness helped him think. The buzzing high from hurting the RED medic wore thin and eventually faded completely. It cleared his head. He placed his head against his pillow and closed his eyes to think.

  
To begin with, he thought about Günter. He had revealed a lot – he had been merely curious if Ludwig was a killer by nature and had proved it. He had slept with the man out of an animalistic need to perpetuate the malicious pleasure he had felt on the battlefield with sex. He had enjoyed it, in fact, despite hating the man. In fact, the hate had made it better. Ripping into him with tooth and nail had been gratifying. To be above him in every way had been spectacular and wounding him even more so. Then against everything he had learned about the RED medic, he had fucked him. It was idiotic yes, but he was curious what would happen. And it had felt good. There was no better feeling than hurting him.

He had even promised to kill the man. That was something to look forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea of these two looneys getting horny over the thought of killing each other was too much for me and I had to write it. I'm sorry.
> 
> Edit: Ludwig made a promise.


	12. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope seven is right  
> I can't fucking count  
> Also, I haven't written past this point just yet but expect a proper ending soon. The last one I had was absolute shit. Made no sense. I'm fixing it now.  
> Keep an eye out :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear lord things are gonna get ugly in Ludwig's brain D:

_''Ve have to stop.''_

_‘’Silence, pest. You’ve done very well, wolf.’’ The fox said, a toothy smile shining through its black gums._

_‘’Ve have to stop now. Okay?’’ The rabbit insisted, its ear twitching nervously._

_The wolf raised its head from the carnage below it. Blood dripped from its fangs. Its amber eyes met the rabbit’s and it approached the feeble creature, teeth bared. It skulked the ground low, as if it were going to pounce. ‘’Vhy should we stop? Zhis is only zhe start.’’ Its amber eyes darted towards the fox._

_‘’H-How many victims is it now?’’ The rabbit stammered , looking to the mess just past the hound. The fox watched the wolf carefully._

_It sat down to think, its bushy tail patting the ground. ‘’Let’s see… six… Plus one more… seven.’’ The wolf muttered. ‘’Seven is not enough. Ve need more blood to be spilled.’’_

_‘’You have hurt many people, wolf.’’ The fox said. The rabbit sat with the wolf. It knew the wolf wouldn’t attack it. ‘’Ve can’t hurt our friends.’’_

_The wolf frowned and its teeth vanished in its jowls. It closed its eyes and its ears dropped. ‘’Zhey don’t care about us anyvay. Vhy shouldn’t ve hurt zhem?’’ Its voice was a low growl, but it was full of regret and sorrow. The rabbit did not want to see an apex predator cry, but it felt that it might just happen._

_The rabbit looked to the bite marks on its body. ‘’It isn’t… It isn’t necessary, volf. You von’t do it again, you know better now. You can c-control yourself if you try.’’ It patted the wolf’s head with its healthy foot. ‘’I trust you not to do it again.’’_

_The wolf placed its paw on the rabbit’s own. ‘’You shouldn’t put your faith in me.’’_

_The rabbit reassured it. ‘’Z-Zhat’s vhy I’m here, volf! Zhere’s no need to be afraid. I can stop you if you lose sight of yourself.’’ It said. ‘’Zhe fox can stop you too.’’_

_The red dog’s ears picked up and it snickered. ‘’The only one I can stop is you, rabbit.’’ It inched closer, approaching the hare. ‘’I’m afraid your companion is stronger than I am.’’_

_The hare felt a spark of energy, telling it to run. It saw the hunger in the eyes of the predators in front of it and took off in a sprint. It didn’t get far before it heard the thump of paws behind it. It was faster, however. It sprinted across the field, feeling the breeze rustle its snowy fur. It turned to see the proximity of its pursuer and realised it wasn’t being chased anymore and instead, the fox was waiting on the hill, watching it. It wondered why._

_Then a sharp pain jolted through its body. It looked down and saw a sharp, rusted nail in its paw. It looked to the fox, who strolled over at a casual pace, smiling from ear to ear with horrible fangs. And behind it, was the wolf._

_‘’We’re going to lock you up for a very long time, rabbit.’’ The fox said._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so please let me know if this fic is split into chapters poorly. I wasn't sure what the best way to do it was, so I sorta went by 'days' in that each chapter represents a full day or something like that with [usually] a dream sequence in between to break things up. (although bear in mind that time skips could have happened in between days. I honestly have no idea of over what time period these events occurred. Use your imagination I guess)  
> Anyways. I hope you've enjoyed so far and I'm sorry to leave you at a somewhat exciting point.  
> I'm writing the ending now so you won't be waiting long.


	13. Dance With Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romanticised murder? Count me in!

Ludwig woke up and yawned. For once, he had slept well, without any interruptions from Günter. The fuzzy memories of his dreams quickly faded as he readied himself for the day. As far as he was aware, they were on the field today. He dressed himself for battle, snapped his gloves on his hands and put his glasses on. He took a quick glance in the mirror and smiled. The scar on his neck was healing and quickly fading. He tidied his hair a touch – even though he liked it a bit frazzled.

He stepped out into the morning sun. It was warm out, pleasantly so. It wasn’t scorching like it usually was just yet. He closed the door behind him and noticed a note on the door. He squinted at the words. They were in German, telling him immediately that Günter had written it. It requested his presence at the RED infirmary before the match began. He shrugged and headed towards the RED base.

*******

Ludwig rapped on the door and waited for just a moment before an eager Günter opened the door, beaming from ear to ear. ‘’Oh good, you actually decided to come.’’ He beckoned the BLU medic inside. He noticed how the man had laid his tools out on a line beside a medical bed. All of which were clean and ready for use. The man clapped his hands together and proposed something absurd. ‘’So… Do you remember how you said that you would kill me?’’

‘’I do.’’

‘’Well… I was thinking last night and the respawn system turns on a few hours before and after a match, correct?’’

‘’Zhat’s right, ja.’’ He already knew what the man was implying.

‘’Do you think we could have a little bit of fun?’’ He cocked his head and raised a brow inquisitively. ‘’I’m willing to be cut open a few times if I can do the same to you.’’

He tapped his foot against the tiles, debating it. However, the thought of slaughtering the man for fun was far too tempting and he had no choice but to accept. ‘’Vhy not.’’

‘’Wonderful. Shall we?’’ He said with that cocky smile he wanted desperately to smack. So he did. Ludwig leapt forward and swung at the man, copping him right in the jaw. He laughed and gladly took each hit to the face. The RED medic took all of it without even raising a finger to fight back. ‘’That’s it! Hurt me, Ludwig.’’ He said gleefully.

He took the saw by the handle and approached the man. ‘’I’ve been longing for zhis moment.’’ Ludwig grabbed the RED medic and shoved him hard against the counter. He placed his hands on the older man’s chest and in a swift motion, he broke his ribs. He delighted in the way the man screamed and wailed as he did it. He applied pressure to the area and the yells of agony were a sweet melody to him. He wanted to hear the man sing.

He laughed through the pain, voice cracking. ‘’You truly are a man of your word…’’

Ludwig felt a smile coming to his face. He raised the saw, giving Günter the opportunity to look his demise in its face of cold, sharp steel. He sliced across the man’s stomach and a ripple of _schadenfreude_ jolted through his system in buzzing waves. He cackled madly, feeling his vocal cords straining with the effort to maintain such a boisterous volume. He could feel his heart thumping excitedly in his chest. It was finally happening. He was finally going to see the other man die. Even if it was temporary, he didn’t care. He had been waiting for an opportunity like this. 

A hand was on his cheek, a touch he leaned into. ‘’A man after my own heart…’’ The older man wheezed. His organs were showing through the tear in his shirt and blood was oozing out rapidly. He would soon be delirious from blood loss. He would wait as long as he could before performing the final step. He wanted to savour the sights, the sounds and the feelings roaring throughout his body like a storm of ecstasy. Günter was so much prettier like this, with his stomach cut open and his face a mess of blood and gore. His pupils had dilated and he was grinning. He was anticipating the final move. He knew this was nearly over. ‘’ _Ich bin so stolz auf dich._ ’’ He whispered breathily, voice shaking. He knew he was about to die and was revelling in it. Ludwig shared his feelings. He was panting with excitement, practically frothing at the mouth at the thought of slaughtering the man.

He knew he couldn’t wait any longer. ‘’Brace yourself, this might sting.’’ He said softly as he placed the bloodied saw to the other man’s throat. He was eager to just do it and to feel the skin splitting as if it were nothing.

‘’Ja…’’ He breathed. ‘’ _Ich liebe dich._ ’’

‘’ _Ich verachte dich._ ’’ He whispered and slit his throat. He watched with glee as spurts of warm blood gushed out. He listened to the RED medic choke and gasp for air he could no longer have. He leaned forward, spraying blood onto his chest. Günter’s hands grabbed him by the nape of the neck and pulled him in. He was kissed hungrily and desperately and quickly, the man was losing strength and precision. Ludwig took it as a ‘thank you’ and indulged him by kissing back. He felt Günter growing weary, fading away from life and stepping into the precarious place just before death. He eventually fell away from their embrace and looked to him with dazed, unseeing eyes. It was nearly time. He was rapidly decaying, rapidly losing what remained of his life. It was beautiful to watch as the energy was released from him and he became still.

Günter fell limp in his arms.

Ludwig eased his body to the ground and lingered for a moment to admire his work. The cut on his throat was perfect and precise and now, long droplets of crimson had run down the man’s body, painting him as if he’d been a canvas. The slice across his stomach had also been steady, without a single wobble or quiver in the straight line he had made. It was all so wonderful. He could hardly contain his excitement. His body was shaking with the thrill.

Within minutes, the man returned as if it hadn’t happened at all. ‘’Your turn, Ludwig.’’ He said, beaming. He fetched a nearby scalpel as he came closer, placed a hand on his shoulder and planted a kiss on his forehead. ‘’Are you ready?’’

‘’Ja.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so, this might finally be the end. God I'm an idiot, I wrote and finished two other fics instead of concluding this one. And if this chapter feels a bit disjointed as a result, I'm sorry. My headspace has been out of this scenario for a while. Regardless, I hope it was enjoyable. 
> 
> I actually wrote a different ending at first, but it was waaaaaaaaay too dark for me. Like my stomach was all knotted after writing it and I didn't like it. (Originally Günter killed the last of BLU team in front of Ludwig and as a result, Ludwig killed him, practically becoming what he hated the most.) While I did like that narratively, I hated what it did to my insides so I scrapped it. Even without that ending, what Ludwig became is still questionable so I'm happy with that. So yeah, here's the chicken ending where both of them got what they wanted I guess. 
> 
> I hope you liked it and criticism is welcome.  
> More fics coming soon. Love you!

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think in the comments :) I'm open to criticism as well, so if you noticed any mistakes or thought something could have been done better, let me know. 
> 
> Oh and if you have ideas for other fics, tell me!  
> Love you :)
> 
> Patch notes for this fic if anyone is interested:  
> \- Fixed Ludwig's accent (more readable)  
> \- Fixed Günter using respectful pronouns around Ludwig  
> \- Killed spy yes I did and I'm not sorry  
> \- Reworked Günter and Ludwig's relationship (What was I thinking before? I have no idea.)  
> \- Fixed Dell using the word 'blokes' like he can't do that not allowed  
> \- Fixed the sex scene ;)  
> \- Fixed some issues with respawn (I think?)  
> \- Reduced the amount of shitty google translate German. (I have no idea why I put so much in here. It's an english fic like wtf me!?)  
> \- Made Günter a little more snarky because he needed it  
> \- Fixed some awkward sentences/descriptions  
> \- Reordered some events  
> \- Got rid of some repetitive dialogue  
> \- Got rid of that shit ending, wrote a new shit ending, wrote a slightly better ending and now have a chicken ending.


End file.
